fleshlight instead of sex with wife

I get so turned on by coming in my hand or on the sheets, instead of inside her. I lick her pussy, and then i ask her...do you want me to come in my hand? Answer me honey...tell me what you want...she often says...i dont care...or "hand". It makes me so horny i just come hard in my hand so that i dont make a mess on the sheets. She smiles and sometimes rubs my head a little...like i am a good boy. So submissive...so horny for me. I just want her to get laid. I try to encourage her, but hasn't happened yet. I fantasize about not sticking it in her until she finds a strange cock. I like that fantasy too. I might make it a reality. I weirdly like not fucking her, and just coming in my hand.