Wannabe cuckold - wife is cheating on me - Need advice

I've had a cuckolding fantasy since I was an early adult. I've learned that i'm also submissive and crave erotic ***********, and up until now the best I've been able to get in my current marriage is some verbal play from my wife of 8 years. In previous relationships, I've had an ex who would tell me about lovers she has had since me, well hung, athletic jocks that intimidated me during high school. My next girlfriend fucked this huge bouncer (while we were on a 2 month break) and when we got back together I let her in on my fantasy and that the *********** of it turned me on. She played along, telling me it was a good thing I didn't get jealous, he was so strong he could "wipe the floor with me". I asked her if she would do him again, and she arranged to fuck him after he got off work the next night. After he closed the bar down, he laid her down on the bar and pounded her for a straight 30 minutes. My next girlfriend was super open to cuckolding, but once it happened, I think she lost respect for me and we ended up breaking up.

My wife was turned off by the whole idea initially. I thought she would come around, because she slept with two of her friends before we got married (with my permission). We've experimented with chastity, with her taking the lead in our marriage, but it never went anywhere. And now when I bring it up, she completely shuts me down. She is OK with verbal play in the bedroom, but she says she is disgusted and finds it sick to want to do it in real life.

Which brings me to my current dilemma.

She has cheated on me once before and I was hurt not because she slept with another man, but because she wouldnt tell me about it or include me. She broke her own rule here. That was years ago. She swore it would never happen again. And I believed her too, although again I made clear that it would be OK if she would just tell me about it.

A week ago, I learned that she has been sneaking around on me again. I haven't confronted her about it yet, because what she has done is clearly wrong, lying and sneaking around when we could both have what we want. I want to somehow turn this into a win-win situation and willing to forgive her for lying and sneaking around, if she is willing to indulge my fantasy. Clearly she is OK with ******** with someone who isn't her husband. But I'm not sure if it would be as much of a turn-on for her if I knew about it, much less consented to it.

Its starting to bother me. Cuckolding is only fun when both people are honest with each other. How in the hell am I going to bring this up?

She isn't doing a great job of covering her tracks. I'm watching our cell phone records and there are two guys who she has texted more than 200x in the last month, with about 6-8 hours of call time. Her location history shows she drove to a motel 2 hours north where I know one these men live (he went to high school with her). I dont want to confront her and show ALL my cards here.... because the only thing worse than this situation is not having any knowledge at all (if she does cover her tracks) or worse yet she leaves me for another man.

What would you do? Has anyone else experienced this situation?