Why is it so diffulcult?

I have had this fantasy for at least 5 years. I told my wife about it a long time ago and despite some ups and downs she was generally happy to play along and role play (or so I thought) she was so good at telling me she wanted to get fucked by another man while wanking me off I started to believe it. But last week when I asked her if she was ready to cuckold me she went nuts.

Our sex life is non existent, mutual masturbation or she comes up with some hot story to get me off. So despite me telling her, despite her playing along she still doesn't want to do it. I really thought time would make a difference. it is such a strong fantasy i thought it might happen. Although i wanted to watch i would have even been happy for her to go out, get picked up and fucked then come home and tell me about it.

Seems like it won't happen for real.

bobtheblob you wrote my life, not hank williams.

Some women will and some won't, sadly.

Rather fucks up the fantasy though, just once, why couldn't we have done it just once?

It is a big, big mind game. Sometimes it helps to get a friend to step in. You have to be a strategic in your position. Think outside the box, find guy you can trust, lay out the plot and execute it. Always be in charge... You will be rewarded in the end.
- H

First off, you should probably resign yourself to the idea that she may never fulfill this fantasy. Most women if they fuck around would much rather do it in secret regardless of whether or not their man is supportive. I know that to many of us men that doesn't make any sense, myself included but let's consider the subject matter here. Women are brainwashed by society from birth for the most part...one man one woman. Society says women who cheat are whores, worthy of ridicule and scorn. Bringing it out in the open powers a woman to confront her own feelings about this and therefore view herself as a low down slut, not the pretty princess she has always imagined herself to be. A woman needs to break through this fallacy to get her mind around the idea of having a lover and a husband and not feeling dirty or guilty. Most contemporary women aren't capable of this although I can see some shift in attitudes from the younger generation. If you keep holding onto this, the frustration may become overwhelming.

Aside from that, a non-existent sex life would definitely seem to be a major source of frustration. Why no fucking? I'm not saying this applies in your case but a woman who isn't getting fucked at home is going to get fucked somewhere else eventually. No different than a man. If she doesn't want to fuck you...I'd be concerned. Good luck to you.

Thanks for the feedback guys

I agree 100%. I think this fully answers your main question, Bobtheblob.

I think you should think more about how to strengthen your erotic relationship with your wife, than how you get her to make you a cuckold. Invite her, not to cuckold you, but to be your erotic complicit, in order to strengthen your relationship. For example, both can read together about sexuality (the more educated a woman is on sexuality, the more able she is to enjoy her body and break her chains). This don't ensures that she will cuck you, but increases the chances and, more importantly, will improve the sex life of both.

Good luck.
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com

I have dealt with/am dealing with the "no its never going to happen" , pissed off wife because I bring it up to often, to my wife cuckolding me and then back to the "not going to happen again", sometimes getting upset about bringing it up situation.

Constantly bringing up cuckolding with your wife will put a huge strain on your marriage. You will start to resent her, and she will be hurt more and more. Having a long sit down talk with your wife might help. Lay it all out to her how strong this fantasy is for you, then leave it alone. She knows what you want at that point, but just because she is your wife, she is NOT obligated to realize that fantasy. That does not mean she does not love you.

You can still play around with different aspects of cuckolding, female domination, chastity, dildo's, etc. The last time my wife and I had sex, she had me fuck her with the dildo while I licked her clit. While its not the same thing as actually being cuckolded, its better than nothing.

Many if not most men on this site know exactly what you are going through. Use this site to express your feelings, and use it to report any progress you/your wife might take, and use this site to help you "release" your cuckold angst. This coming weekend, buy your wife some flowers, take her out to a fancy restaurant, tell her you love her, and tell her you are sorry if you hurt her in any way with your fantasies. Tell her that you would still love to share your fantasies with her, together.

Good luck and I hope to someday read of an update where your wife cuckolds you for real!

@slemx and @Allen thanks guys. Really sensible, honest feedback(sometimes lacking on this forum) I need to get over myself. This fantasy grew from a programme on channel 4 (years ago) about a married couple being videod having sex together through to wanting to watch my wife get fucked.

I have obsessed about it to the degree I probably am damaging my relationship and frankly anyone who saw my wife would ask me "WTF i am playing at?". She looks great! and she loves me. so, change of focus now I think, I want to rebuild the sexual relationship with my wife.

Genuinely, to all that responded here. thank you.

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the old saying watch what you wish for.........

mine was the same way for a long time... thought I just wanted to use it as an excuse for me to play aroundwent a year or two arguing and back and forth.... then one night we went to a bar... supper bowl party if I remember right.... with friends and friends of friends.... a guy sitting next to her (she was sitting next to me) he kept putting his hand on her leg... and they were doing alot of talking and joking.... he went to the can... she leaned over and asked me if I was sure, I said go for it if you want..... she was still very hesitant but he must have said the right things.... a little later she said we need to get home to the kids....looking at me.... so i said i could do it if she wanted to stay... she was all smiles and asked if I was sure... i said yes... and it took off from there... that one was a one night deal.... but that was 8 years ago and no stopping her now... she does her own thing... sometimes tells me sometimes just lets me figure it out.......pretty sure I could not tell her to stop and her do it now.Just about everything I get is left overs!

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Stop bringing it up. Most women love sex and would love to have more, with more men. But they are supressed by years of social shaming of this kind of behavior.

If you truly want to be a cuck, then you must submit to her.

Do you give her massages every night. If you dont know how, learn. Lots of massages, lots of oil. Make her feel good.

Do you pleasure her orally and with toys whenever you can, without regard to yourself.

Do you encourage her to dress sexy, do you make her feel sexy. Take very small steps. Once the ball starts rolling and she in crazy in love with you she will notice that you like these things she will take them farther.

I disagree with the social repression argument. Most women have no fantasies, period. They tend to be extremely boring. Men fantasies are born from frustration and the difficulty to get sex. even the ugliest woman is continuosly showered with offers, so they never develop the sexual daydreaming from which fantasies are born.
The vast majority of women are just reproductive units, face it.

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Whooooa.... bet you are single!


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On the contrary, I have more women than I can handle (dating 5 of them at the moment).
Have an extremely vast bdsm experience in both roles. I know what I speak of.
There are pearls in the waste dump, but still it is a dump.

There are a lot of studies and articles that disagree with it. A few examples:

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!
The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!
The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!
The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

However, I think we would all agree that men are more "lustful" than women (and it may produce greater sexual frustration in men).

The challenge for a couple is to make the distance between what they want sexually be as small as possible (yielding both a bit). Making a computer analogy: women are like iPads, some functions are limited, but a good jailbreak breaks the chains. Of course this does not apply to all women, and perhaps our greatest difference of opinion lies in how big is the percentage of women who can't grow erotically. I think it's not as small as you suggest, but it's a matter of perception.
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com

I agree with geecriz's excellent description of one of the factors that work against female embrace of this fetish in a general sense. (there are other factors too, obviously.)

But lets talk about your female in particular. I don't know either of you, so I can't say, but I saw some big red warning flags in your initial post:


That is not "non-existent," my friend. That is lively and kinky. Your wife develops stories specifically tailored to your fantasies and what gets you hot? That is huge. You think it is easy to work out a scenario for someone else's turn-ons?; for kinks you don't share or really relate to much? You think it is easy to then tell the story in realtime with a straight face?; staying in character so as not to break your mood and improvising to maximize your enjoyment?

And why don't you ever have just old fashion vanilla sex? Is it possibly because she has the impression now that this fetish is the only thing that gets you off and what you prefer?

No wonder she blew-up on you when you pushed to bring in someone else. Here she is working her ass off to be good, giving, and game, while sacrificing activities she might prefer or that might get her off more and you appear to be an ingrate.

Again, I don't know either of you, but the possibility that this is how she sees things is worth your reflecting on.


Yes - YOUR strong fantasy. Not hers. What are hers? What have you done to help her live them or at least to help her elaborate them? Do YOU make up stories for her about the things that turn HER on? Do you ever turn the tables when the cuckold fantasy talks start and instead make it about her? Do you ever tell her that you love the cuckold thing, but not as much as you love her; or that the reamister you get such a charge out of cuckolding is because you love her so much and think she is such a prize, a beauty and a sexpot?


Time only makes a difference if you've used it to build comfort and to open doors. "Let it sit" isn't going to change people's outlooks. You need to have deep, real (non-screaming and definitely non-stroking) conversations about why you are into cuckolding and what you get from the fantasy and what you could handle in reality AND how she feels about your fantasy, what she likes, what she doesn't, what she fears. Do some deep active listening. Also, talk about what her deep dark fantasies are.

Only when you know the details of her fears can you allay them and build in her the comfort level to take a risk. Only when you've made her feel safer about her own dark fantasies and made sure she is getting sexual and romantic fulfillment from you will she feel that she wants to help you live out your dreams. Only when she feels trust in you will she be willing to jump.

Like I said, I don't know you and my speculations may be far from the mark, but it seems to me that your marriage just isn't solid, open, honest, and close enough for you to expect her to indulge in this fetish. (Which even sex columnist Dan Savage thinks is too much to ask of a reluctant spouse.)

Of course it is entirely possible, as some of the other posters here have said, that she is an individual who will never be comfortable enough for various reamisters to do this. But frankly, if the picture I paint of your relationship is anywhere close to the truth, I can't imagine any wife who would be willing.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck and a happier future.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

first of all thank you to MrsBlackBlowupDoll for such a well considered response. You're actually spot on. I recognise what you are saying and since posting this i have "stepped back" to consider the situation. I think it is time to move on from this fantasy and start trying to rebuild a normal sex life.

I remember my wife saying something like "we may say all this stuff, but I will never actually DO it." It was a final and definite "no" but I was still glad I hadn't been too pushy about it.

Months passed. One night when I least expected it, she literally woke me up after I'd fallen arelax to tell me that she had met someone of interest and had just talked with him. She'd even made plans to meet him the next weekend. She wasn't asking if I was still okay with it, she was just letting me know that she wanted to do this- and was going to do it. She normally wouldn't wake me for something non-critical, but she was so excited that she'd made this decision that she couldn't relax or contain her excitement. It was so cute. But oh so much cuter later... so hang in there, cultivate the love and communication and see what grows.
Be the different drummer.

I think that the cases of Breakinglass and Juanito are very illustrative and show the way of hope.

When a husband asks his woman cuckold him, first time she will say no virtually 100% of cases. Not necessarily because all women are puritanical, but because cuckold contravenes the social norm (mostly women may even think that her husband is only testing their level of loyalty). However, once the idea has been given by the husband to his wife, it, like a seed planted in a pot, over time can grow and bear fruit, depending on the care that is given (and many other circumstances). As well as nobody put pressure on a plant for grow, the cuckold idea can't be powerd to mature. Is a matter of time, water, environment, so the plant is given. Certainly the quality of the seed and the land on which it stands are also essential (often compost -sexual instruction- is very useful).
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com

Well said slemx.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

..........................:mad:

Hoa i could not say it better my self!1:mad::mad::mad: