MrsBlackBlowupDoll
Member
Posts: 1289
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#4 · Edited by: MrsBlackBlowupDoll
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Actually, a key moment in my experience was when an old school friend (female) who knows my wife and I and lives in the neighborhood saw my wife saying goodbye (full, tight embrace and deep long kissing) to her then boyfriend by the subway entrance. Tom (the boyfriend) left unaware, but Janet approached my wife immediately after. My wife was flustered and a bit panicky and the very shocked Janet asked straight-up what is going on. My wife felt caught and embarrassed and was so worried about Janet thinking bad of her, that she blurted out the best excuse she could think of:
She told Janet that I was gay, which wasn’t true, and that I was in the closet for professional reamisters and begged Janet to keep “our” secret. She assured Janet that I was fully aware and she wasn’t cheating, which was true, hurriedly parted claiming she was late for an appointment, which also wasn’t true – she just wanted to get away as fast as she could. She promised to explain all in more detail soon, and again begged Janet to keep what she had seen to herself until then. Then she came home.
My wife was almost beside herself with guilt, dread, regret and fear when she got back. She felt fairly certain she had just ruined both our lives as well as our marriage. I got the story out of her (with many tears) and comforted her. I reminded her that public exposure and offense had always been a big part of my fantasy. (We hadn’t pursued it much because of my wife’s discomfort of that side of things.) I reminded her that she had told a couple of her close friends already about both my submissiveness and her seeing other men. They had been people she was close enough with to be vulnerable and had been her friends. Janet wasn’t as close and was someone I had known much longer, but I encouraged her to think positively – that there was no reamister Janet shouldn’t be as trustworthy as Roz and Linda. I reminded her also that she had been pining for a confidant (Roz lived far and Linda had moved away) and bursting with the desire to be open about Tom with people anyway.
As she calmed it became clear that the biggest problem was that, feeling cornered, she had told a foolish lie – that I was gay – and she felt ashamed and down on herself for lying (which she doesn’t do lightly) as well as guilty for the damage she may have done to me and my reputation. She was filled with self-recrimination. We both knew as we talked, however, why that particular story had jumped to her mind. It was not just because “reprogramming me” was her favorite dominance/offense game, it was because we had previously toyed with precisely the idea of telling people that when we discussed managing the fallout from being public about her dating around. The shock of it suddenly being real had overwhelmed her. But I soothed her and suggested (despite my own deep stomach misgivings) that we should run with it. The truth is, the idea that Janet knew my wife was relaxing around and thought I was a poof turned me on a lot. We were soon making plans about what to do next and then before I knew it, I was on my knees stroking off and begging my wife to “out” me.
To shorten what has already been a too long reply: I called Janet and verified what my wife had said. I told her I knew all about Tom. That I was fine with it, in fact supportive; that I was a cross dresser and a submissive and was turned on by men. Janet is a psychologist by training, although not in private practice and she was fascinated. She agreed to keep quiet and I ended up inviting her come to dinner later in the week. When she arrived I answer the door in full maid’s uniform. We had a delightful evening that included a great deal of frank quizzing by Janet. I was required to be very convincing about my desire for cock and my lack of interest in sex with women. This was challenging since it wasn’t true at the time, but the effort was amply rewarded by my wife after Janet left.
This turned out to be a turning point for my life in a number of ways. After that we bit-by-bit opened up about our lifestyle to friends and, eventually, family. Each time, the pattern we used involved “outing” me to help people accept that my wife wasn’t a “bitch,” or a “cheater,” and I wasn’t a “victim.” (In fact, it made her a sympathetic figure to most people who proved more likely to censure me for being closeted and/or perverse and deceiving my wife into marrying me.) Janet became the first permister my wife loaned me out to as a maid. Actually, it was “hired” since Janet, who was determined to help me get over my “baggage” and embrace both my homosexuality and desire to be transgendered, gave us free counseling in return. Janet’s advice also led my wife to explore psychological techniques for altering my orientation (which Janet would not have approved of) and what had been an ongoing sexual game became a more earnest project.
Sorry to hold forth so long, but the incident was one that impacted my life so deeply that it is hard not to muse endlessly when I look back on it. Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.
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