sometimes i hate the man i have become or should i say cuck

My wife and I have been married 12 years and about a year ago she finally made me a cuck. It had been my fantasy for so long for sample I remember being a little boy maybe 10 years old. I would have my girlfriend take guys into the woods and kiss them. While I hid behind a tree and watched. Anyway so about a year ago I finally convinced my beautiful wife to cuck me and I have to admit she has done a wonderful job she is a great mistress! I am caged 99% of the time she let's me out the day she sees her lo er so I can eat her and feel her insides with my small dick while she giggles cuz she can't feel me. She has a great lo er who she likes very much and he is married so he can only see her once every 2 weeks and it works out perfectly. I thought that after a while it would stop hurting and I would stop getting that pit in my stomach everytime I see people on tv making love I thought that in time I would be happy when she left to see him knowing that when she gets home I will not only have a sweet cream pie to eat but she also video tapes the first time they have sex everytime the videos I got of them are so hot! I was gonna put them out for all you guys to see but she brings a hidden cam her lover does not know she is tapping so sorry its not really something she wants out there like that and we could probably get into a lot of trouble 2 . So anyway after a year I still feel sometimes that I hate this and I so just want me and her again ... does it ever stop hurting every so often or will it get to the point where I will just except and totally love this all the time?

I have no idea if the hurting will stop or fade away. For me I found myself in the same situation (sort of). After long talking and trying to persuade her she made the plunge. But it is not real cuckolding not for me anayway. She has started working as an escort in the week and as a hostess in a bar. Yesterday was her first day in the bar and the only thing she had to do was fuck and suck men. I know this is what I wanted for a long time but it is her work and I can never see her with other men, listen, help and all the stuff some cucks get to do. So every weekend I sit here alone waiting and waiting for her to come back home tired. We used to have a good sexlife but now all her time goes to the work and me in the end got nothing anymore.
I also have this pit in my stomach and my mind does overtime thinking about everything. Same as you I sometimes want it to be just me and her again but the stories she tells me are so erotic. And I know if she stops I want it to start again. I really hope the pain and thoughts fade away after sometime so that I can enjoy it also to the fullest.

You never stopp hurting, but it does get better after you accept it, My wife had an affair in 03 while deployed. I knew, she denied it,I caught her by hacking her email! I offered her amnesty, she accepted told me she could not tell me (her husband) but it was more of something she could tell a girlfriend. She gave me panties, bra, and a silky nightie and ordered me to put them on. I did then she lit a cigarette and laid beside me (she smokes to turn me on) She started telling me the story, I got erect she rubbed my little cock through the satin and 2 minutes in I CAME! She continued telling me more and I CAME AGAIN in another two or three minutes! she giggled about it threw some humiliating comments my way (which I loved) Then She realized I loved what she was doing to me and asked me if I was horny for her fucking another man... I melted right there, my manhood left as I admitted fantasizing about her and her lover all the while I knew they were fucking. I also admitted that it hurt but felt good and I wanted more. That lead to her having me throw every pair of male underwear out in the trash and I have been in nothing but female panties since then. I must dress fem at home and in bed I am in chastity too much, her lover from Iraq is my online Master and she hasnt fucked me in over a year! I am never allowed to cum with out two condoms on wheather I make my self cum or she does it. She will only suck my little cock every few weeks and I must have cock and balls in the condoms because she says ther are so small and fit so she doesnt get any faggot on her. My wife is now deployed again for 6 months with her job she didnt fuck me, stroke, or suck me before leaving and says she doesnt regret it either, Sh eis in afghanistan and will probably take a lover again, she emails me and tells me what to wear, and what to do for the evening like take out the trash in a nighty, bra with falsies, pink robe and pink furry slippers and the garbage can is ober 15 yards away and right on the road! I was hurt by her not wanting to make love to me in any way and told her I wanted to stop all this. She agreed and said when she comes home it will be just us. Well that was last week 1 month in her deployement one of her lovers emailed her and she sent him over to our house where I was told to make him dinner and suck him off for desert, I did as told he reported back to her how much a sissy faggot I am and now she has me being a sissy faggot as she calls me, She says it can never be the way it was nor could she ever see me in the form of a man. I am here to accept it and I love her more than anything for realizing who and what I am. We are in this for life and yes it hurts at times but the only way we will ever be together is like this no other way. The hurt never stops the pit never goes away and we just love the women who treat us like we so desperately need,,,,
I have finally decided to take control (total) and have sissy in panties daily lock sissy in her CB 6000s for good. No more feeling sorry after a few weeks and no more giving into her pleas for mercy! Welcome the NEW MISTRESS!

How did you hack her email?

boots you say that you sometimes hate this or have a feeling in the pit of your stomach.

What is it specifically you don't like; the fear of losing her, jealousy (e.g you wish her attention was back 100% on you), greiving the loss of intimacy you use to have you, or is it the cuckold angst?

The angst is an integral part of the fantasy for for me, the taboo of cuckolding adds to the sexiness and I wouldn't want to lose it.

Ultimately I rationalise any negative feelings against the enjoyment that we both get out of it. When I am in a post orgasmic low it helps me to know that it is an adventure I share with my wife, it's something we have added to our relationship, not something I have lost. And most importantly I know I'll always be number one in my wife's life, she might have great chemistry with a lover, but all the really important relationship stuff is for me only.

I hope you can make things work for you.

Oh and easiest way to hack an email is to not hack it, but to get the password. That's how I found out the sordid details when I found out Belle had an affair. Google keylogger. I think the one I used was called KGB, but I'm sure they all do the same thing...

pansymaid_uk

my wife uses only certain things for email passwords, you know pets names and stuff like that wasnt very hard at all I think like the 3rd onr I was in!
I have finally decided to take control (total) and have sissy in panties daily lock sissy in her CB 6000s for good. No more feeling sorry after a few weeks and no more giving into her pleas for mercy! Welcome the NEW MISTRESS!

hesaidicould

I think for me it is all those things. For instance i love to hear her gush over her lover, and hear how she LOVES them and NOT me. The possibility of her leaving me is a real turn on! If she stays it means she loves enough to have me and realize that I have no other place in life except to serve her, and she loves having the control over me realizing that she is the powerful woman she is. The loss of intamace does take place but she replaces it with cruel humilitation and cruel teasing and denial, WOW I love it! so I guess in a nut shell I get off on all the worst case scinerios, yes it makes me hot and gets me off when Mistress lets me!
I have finally decided to take control (total) and have sissy in panties daily lock sissy in her CB 6000s for good. No more feeling sorry after a few weeks and no more giving into her pleas for mercy! Welcome the NEW MISTRESS!

For myself, I hope it never stops completely. But I will say that it gets less and easier over time. I wish it didn't and that every experience could be as fresh and fierce as the first, but life just isn't that way.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.