Utter_Rotter
Member
Posts: 125
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The dictionary definition of cuckold is a man whose wife has proved unfaithful, so in that sense you would be a cuckold if your girlfriend became your wife and continued to go behind your back with other men. Whilst most of us would not differentiate between wife and girlfriend, IMHO there is a difference. True cuckolding happens after you have committed yourself to her for life (i.e. got married) and she still seeks and gets sex from other men, whilst you sit at home (or whatever you like to do whilst she is enjoying herself).
Having said that, I also believe that most of us with an interest in the subject seek some form of involvement in our partner's infidelity, whether that be complicity in planning and executing affairs, or the more aggressive (from the female point of view) having her infidelity shoved in your face type of activity that is so prevalent on this site.
Her "going behind your back" implies that you are in no way involved, a passivity and lack of knowledge on your part with her activities excluding you from any participation. Whilst that might satisfy some on here, or may even be an unrealisable ambition for other wannabes, in my view that would not be satisfying for me, and would not represent true cuckoldry.
I believe that there is an inherent submissive knowing acceptance in the true cuckold, accepting his wife's need for someone else to satisfy her desires outside of the marriage, and allowing that to take place, and at least knowing when it is taking place. The husband donates or presents his wife to other men, or knowingly allows them to use her. It is a sacrifice, a presentation of something precious or cherished, and if it is all done "behind his back" the would-be cuckold is unable to perform this act of sacrifice.
As I hinted at above, the degree of this participation can vary from case-to-case, with at one extreme, the aggressive domination of the husband by the wife who powers him to face up to her infidelity by humiliating him and insisting on his participation, to the much more subtle knowing participation of the husband where the wife goes about her business without any attempt to conceal it.
A brilliant example of the latter is the case of George Smiley in the novels of John Le Carre. The spymaster's wife Anne is engaged in a string of affairs throughout the Smiley novels, a string of affairs that Smiley sadly regrets, but accepts. The point is that even here, at the most passive end of the spectrum of cuckoldry, nothing is quite done "behind his back". Whilst he isn't exactly involved or complicit, nothing is done to hide Anne's activity from him. He is aware.
Incidentally, don't read Le Carre expecting sexual excitement from Anne's cuckoldry of Smiley. It isn't done for erotic effect, but to add to Smiley's character as the quiet effective spymaster, and as a sub-plot to the main storyline. Do read Le Carre if you like a good read.
I've gone on a bit - I hope that the above makes some sense to some of you.
Rotter Utter_Rotter
Writer and decadent
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JUANITO
Member
Posts: 1478
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Even if the Bull thinks he's putting something over on you (the husband), as long as the wife comes home and tells hubby of her sexual adventures it's all GOOD. If she withholds the details, sneaks around to see the bull and tries to keep hubby from finding out about it, etc. then it's cheating...if she however admits to hubby that she has sexual needs outside their marital relationship and hubby is OK with it then it's Cuckolding. Cuckolding=GOOD Cheating=TROUBLE
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norwegian
Member
Posts: 3336
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Quoting: swehubby I am also of the opinion that the Cuckold husband should be involved in the Cuckold game. If your gf gores behind your back you are per definition a cuckold. But, in this case there are no 'cuckolding games'. So, why would she do this? If she do not know about your decires to be cuckolded, she would maybe be afraid that her fucking would destry your marriage. That you would leave her if you knew If she does this, she is in love with someone, or has needs ourside what you can give A cuck to my GF - A bull to all other women
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