Who is in control?

I'm just wondering who is in control in your situation. You? Your wife? Her lover?


Many things are changing in the dynamic of our relationship and I'm wondering how other people do things. If you could, please give me some insight about some or all of these questions-


1. How do you feel about your wife being in love with another man?

2. How would you feel if - your wife wanted to stop having sex with you? Her lover wanted her to stop having sex with you?

3. How would you feel if - your wife wanted alone time with her lover? Her lover wanted alone time with your wife?
http://indiecuckold.tumblr.com/

I'm not in the lifestyle, maybe someday. Just keep that in mind as I give my 2 cents:

In my mind, I would be okay with either the wife or lover being in charge. Like most guys with cuckold fantasies, I like the idea of loss of control. The male equivalent of a "**** fantasy" if you will. However, if the women was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I would have to have ultimate control. Specifically, if at any time I said "stop," whatever was happening would come to an end.

I would want my wife to enjoy other guys in addition to me, not instead of me.

I would want to watch/participate in any activities.

I would only touch the other male if my wife was present and it pleased her to see it.

Hey Johnny and Ang,

Savannah and i are not married. We started off as a bdsm/swinger couple.
And we now, live together.

I'm not sure about this "love" thing. While have lived together for the past 4 yrs. we have never brought the term up. It's just not necessary. I am sure it would complicate the incredibly wonderful mix we have going on. So we don't bring it up.

Since I don't or won't pass out advise on others situations, I don't know what you'd do about Ang falling in love. Maybe you should talk it over with her.

Savannah can do pretty much what she wants. We talk all the time. Most of the time she is pretty much "in the drivers seat."

That changes when we go surfing for example, where she has to listen to me on getting through the line-up, rips, drifting, other people in the water and so on. We flow back and forth from the bdsm/poly/cuckold world and the vanilla one with out too much of a problem.

We just sort of know when the other needs to step-in, and take control. As it turns out, we are adults that don't need a weatherman to tell us which way the wind is blowing. (Yes, I know. Bod Dylan)

No phony-baloney drama with a fake antagonistic male. We don't use the term "bull," in our conversations, blogs or otherwise. We like adults. Simple.

Probably like you guys, your wife's boyfriend is not an adversary although not completely welcomed by us. WE understand our positions. WE willingly surrender what used to be our exclusive territory for a closer, if not stronger relationship. WE are not jealous, except when we are so close to receiving what her lover is allowed to have.

The boyfriend is rarely jealous of OUR status.

He does, and she willingly cooperates with him, to restrict physical contact with me. But this has been a part of our relationship for a long time.....even before this current boyfriend.

At the moment, there is only talk of me performing on him, without her here. So we don't do that. I don't think that will ever happen. I am a pretty straight guy.

beta

TedtheBellhop

Thanks so much for your response. It's great to see how other people view the scenario and what works for them.

Good luck getting into the lifestyle, I wish you the best with it!


I think our situation is slightly different than your ideal because we also have a D/s aspect too. I've gotten very used to the idea of the loss of control, and am now starting to relinquish it completely.
http://indiecuckold.tumblr.com/

VaBeachCouple


That's very interesting to me because we are also doing things with bdsm, and we are not married either.

I definitely get what you're saying about the flow back and forth between this world and the vanilla world. I think that because we are both submissive, and there isn't much of a D/s role in our relationship, it makes it rather easy for us to do that. Also, because her lover was our friend previously, it makes regular things easy to do without that D/s thing interfering.

Ang and I talk quite often about the emotions that she's experiencing, and the ones that I am as well. She is very much in love with Joe, and it's a very interesting feeling. I do know that she is not going to leave me though, so I permisterally think it's great that she gets to have that with two people.

I definitely agree with the fact that surrendering what used to be our exclusive territory makes for a closer and stronger relationship. As Joe pushes further into our lives, I feel that Ang and I are becoming stronger and stronger. He all but lives with us now, and I feel that Ang and I are closer than ever.

What exactly does she do that limits physical contact? Chastity? just denial? How is that for you?

It's becoming increasingly clear that Joe would rather that I have very little physical contact with Ang, and that he be her sole lover. Over time, I think that it will evolve to this and I'm just wondering how others have experienced that before.

Thanks!
http://indiecuckold.tumblr.com/

You situation is very interesting, thanks so much for telling me all about it!

I like the idea of her spending important times like your birthday and their birthdays with them. Also, taking away specific acts of sex is very exciting. I agree that the stereotyped behavior is not really what we're into - we don't do things just because that's what you're supposed to do, but comes from a specific feeling or emotion in our relationship.

Ang also only dresses very sexy for Joe, but that's just because he really appreciates it, and for her that shows her devotion to him. I think it's really wonderful that Savannah has stopped having sex with you and that lovers appreciate it. I feel like it's just me in this situation sometimes where the 'bull' doesn't want the cuck to have sex with his woman anymore. Joe absolutely appreciates her staying 'clean' for him as well.
http://indiecuckold.tumblr.com/

Okay, so for a little more info, Joe and I have been talking quite a bit and he has expressed the desire for me to give up sex and other physical contact with Ang. He's not saying that I have to give it up, but it's pretty clear that he doesn't want me to any longer. I'm sure there will still be some times when I do get to, but Joe would much rather that Ang is his property and only gets that pleasure from him. He would also like to see that both she and I are so devoted to him that we would give up sex with each other.

I feel like he and she both deserve this from me and I'm being too selfish by not immediately fulfilling his request. She is his girlfriend too, after all, so he should have a say in what she does and who she does it with.

I was wondering if anyone else has real-world experience with this and could give some advice etc. It's great in fantasy, but I'm afraid it would be much harder in reality.
http://indiecuckold.tumblr.com/

Again I reiterate that I'm not yet into the lifestyle. However, for me I would like to get into it to enhance my sex life, not lose it. Talking about how they "deserve it" makes me wonder if you have lost sight of this being your life and fantasy too. However, it seems that maybe this is the ultimate loss of control and offense that you are looking for. Permisterally, I would say that I'm hoping to turn my SO into a housewife, not a cuckoldress and that could be the disconnect.

However, that doesn't mean I don't find your situation hot and I've been following your story under "Legit Question" for quite some time.

Keep posting!

So far, she only has sex with him alone. She does not want me with them when she fucks him. I am fine with that for now, but I do eventually want to watch. I wouldn't mind a mix of both...time for them, and time for me to watch.

To me its inevitable that my wife will eventualy form an emtional attachment to a man she is involved with. Of course this does not happen often but when she is dating and inviting a man into the most intermat part of her life. I guess its just natural and from a cucks point of view much more exciting.

This life style has mostly inhansed our sex life but on the two occations she has became attached to guys it certanly has slowed alot.

Time alone for her and a lover is also inevitable, how are they suposed to get to know each other if a cucky is hanging around all the time. If a guy puts that much work into her he deserves his time with her and she deserves to be spoiled.
Imagin
Graz

Interesting thread. My wife and I have a relationship in which we treat each other pretty much as equals in all aspects of life, except sex. She is not into public offense, and generally treats me with a great deal of love and respect. With the exception that she keeps me locked in chastity most of the time, or at least when her lovers are satisfying her. She has two right now, and is meeting her third this Friday evening. I expect it will be a while before I'm needed for anything other than clean up. She and her current lovers are comfortable letting me watch (she left a previous lover because he just couldn't get comfortable with an audience), but she is pulling away ever so slowly, as she has set up her first date with this new lover with just the two of them. I will wait at home for their return if he is deemed acceptable. The jury's out as to whether or not I'll be allowed to watch this time or just listen. She has also mentioned bringing one along on our next vacation, and having me locked up the whole time- a huge fantasy of mine... At this point, I think I would be OK with her spending a weekend with one of her lovers, but I'm not quite up to the point that I would be able to stand her spending much more time than that, for whatever my opinion is worth. To the topic, she is in control of this situation, until and unless I am willing to end the whole lifestyle permanently, which I doubt I would ever play that card.

Oh I definitely understand. I guess from my perspective, this situation has positively affected my whole life, not just my sex life. I'm assuming that this would further our relationship and I would, in the end, benefit. Also, I'm sure that this would be a temporary, although indefinite, situation. We don't plan on living in this town forever, so I'm sure things will change over time.

I absolutely know what you mean though, and for you, that will work perfectly. I think that for us it's just different because we are also in a D/s relationship. I'm not saying I owe it to them as my friend/girlfriend, but whats the point of being a submissive if I don't yield to the desires of my Dominant counterpart?

Just thinking out loud.
http://indiecuckold.tumblr.com/

Yeah, I don't want you guys to think our life is JUST this. That's the same way that we are most of the time - we go out to eat, go to office parties, go to school, visit our parents, etc. etc. etc. and no one has any idea. Even when Joe is with us, it's just like a friend most of the time, as if we were a regular couple hanging out with someone else.

None of our family members, friends, or even mutual friends know about this - only some non mutual friends of Ang's know that there's anything else going on. That discretion is very important to us, and it's only behind closed doors that we really go crazy. Sometimes there's some public stuff going on at bars or clubs, but really anyone would just attribute that to too much to take and shrug it off.

Ha, I talk about our relationship so much that it must seem that it's all we do. Then again though, I don't think you care about how my day at work was..lol.
http://indiecuckold.tumblr.com/

Hey guys,

I was reading through the thread and on your blog. I just wanted to comment about a couple of items.

Like you all, you would not know anything was "unusual," about us in public.

We don't go out together all the time but occasionally, we will. When we go to local bdsm group party, it's a different story.

There is no mistaking who Savannah has "chosen" for the evening and who helps in the kitchen, takes out the trash, and who gets chained to the floor ring.

In full view and knowledge of our friends, I will bring them takes and take their plates when they have finished eating. I am allowed to eat and take after they are done.

In the world outside the bdsm group our behavior is much more subtle. And more often than not, I am not with them.

Eric and Savannah, like the time they have together without me. It's a more traditional role for the both of them. (A guy and girl on a date) More often then not, she will not spend the night here either.

As she has told me, she would go home with him anyway, but she wants him to woo her back to his place for the night. She says, she knows, exactly, how to get him to do that, without ever telling him outright.

How does that work?

Savannah tells me, she gets me to do stuff all the time without me knowing about it. I keep thinking, I am doing everything the way I want. Something must be up.

She has told me a woman wearing a red dress is, "looking." I like red dresses, I guess, but I would never put that kind of evaluation on the color red and would certainly not think a woman wearing one would see me as a possible target.

Black and/or red underwear also mean they are ready for some action......But how could I know that either. (Since I can't see it) It's more confusing than this lifestyle we live with. (Almost)

I gotta go.

beta