A Strange Relationship

I met 'S' a few years ago and we instantly hit it off. We began seeing each other and my feelings grew very strong for her in a short period of time. During that time we maintained an open relationship, as we both were open minded toward the concept of polyamory, and we live a little over an hour apart.

Eventually our relationship grew into what it is today. I have fallen completely in love with her. Unfortunately, she has decided she doesn't want to be in a 'relationship' with me anymore, and has admitted that while she is not in love with me, she does feel very strongly about me. When we are together we do everything two people in a relationship do, but she has explained that she intends to see others, and may eventually fall in love with them (although she is not with anyone currently).

Although we both relax with other people, 'S' almost completely dominates my sexual fantasies. When before we talked about her having sex with others, the focus was on the hot, nasty things she'd do, but now it's shifted to her emotional rejection of me. Although she enjoys pleasing me, it sometimes makes her feel guilty when we play this way. I am often left feeling a very strange kind of sexual frustration.

One of my favorite fantasies is imagining us living together, but on the terms that we are not officially a couple. She will occasionally have others over, possibly even boyfriends, and I'll be powerd to listen to her fucking in the next room. I also often imagine masturbating her while she has phone sex with one of her lovers. She was much more receptive to that fantasy than the first.

The more emotionally abusive I imagine her being to me, the more turned on I become. I get off on imagining her lying to me, covering her other relationships up, and me finding out about them and otherwise destroying me emotionally. I do not think she would do any of these things, and should probably be glad that she wouldn't, but sometimes I wish she would when I am especially turned on.

Anyway, I just wanted to know if anyone else had opinions about this, or has if they've been in a similar kind of situation. Do you think there's anything I could do to pressure her into hurting me in these ways? What do you think this kind of behavior speaks about my character? Are these fantasies unhealthy? Would it be unhealthy if I pursued them? Let me know what you think.

Oh, and if anyone wants pictures of her, let me know and I will find some and post them.

What I think is that you are a cuckold fetishist. Your feelings and fantasies are absolutely classic.

What is up in the air, and these are common challenges for cuckolds, is how much she is willing to engage in the fetish and in what flavor.

It seems from what you write that she is willing to engage in the fetish rather much - sharing with you her sexual exploits, accepting (even encouraging) your masturbating to the thought of her having sex with others. She is even willing to consider moving in together so that you can listen at the walls.

The flavor problem, so to speak, is that your own desires run deeper and darker than that. You get off on fairly hard-core fantasies of emotional use and she clearly is not comfortable with that.

So, can you get her comfortable with it? Maybe, but I doubt it. The most likely read of your situation is that she enjoys having you lust after her - it makes her feel powerful and desirable and that you love her. Emotionally a***ing you, on the other hand, makes her the bad guy and makes her feel like cuckolds brownie about herself (and pity you). It is very unlikely that you can change that.

The one possibility in my mind - and it is a very slim one - is that her reluctance is merely a matter of inhibition. That she is actually turned on by emotionally a***ing you, but it is still too far, too naughty, too "wrong," for her to be comfortable yet. If that is the case, than moving slowly over time and letting her get comfortable dominating and a***ing you by degrees might work.

I can only go by what you've written, and while the "inhibited" diagnosis is possible, I candidly think it very unlikely. My advice is to enjoy what you can of the denial and teasing game with her and - now that you know what you are really into - find a woman of a more Dominatrix permisterality to help you live out the fantasy more fully.

Good luck.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

If you're like me you''re just another fool in unreciprocated love.

You want her to hurt you so bad you dont feel the same way for her,

You want a reamister not to like her, but you want her to do it, not yourself.

I'm still in this situation, I haven't got a solution.

It may not be how you feel, i hope it's not.

My 2 pence.