A wife needs advice.....

I'm not new to the site as my husband frequently visits, however this
is why I will remain anonymous.

So here is the issue. My husband has been wanting me to cuckold him
again now for the past several months. However, the last time I did it
it turned into a disaster. I dunno if this is normal but I fell in
love with the man I was seeing and my husband who had suggested we
start this lifestyle became extremely angry.

I never wanted to stop, but I broke it off for the sake of my
marriage. That was 3 years ago. But even after the disaster my husband
has continued to ask me to do it again. Now he has been bringing up the idea even more idea. Coming to this site nightly and trying to talk me into
again. He can't even get aroused unless he is fantasizing about me
with another man.

But I have a secret. I have already been seeing someone for 3
months. Knowing my husband wants me to cuckold him again I don't know
if I should tell him. I'm afraid that it will turn into a disaster
like last time. I don't want to give what I have up. But I hate lying
to him because I love him. I don't know whats wrong with me but when
we started this thing I never knew how good sex could be and now it is
very important to me. I guess I do fit the stories in some ways because he is very small, but before we started this lifestyle thing it was never an issue. Now it is very big issue.

Plus, I have begun to develop feelings for this other man. I
don't want to marry him, we are very different. But it is hard for me not fall in love with someone who makes me feel the way he does.

I really don't know what to do. I want to believe that my husband can
handle it, but if he can't I don't know what I would.

Last time we split up because I refused to stop seeing my lover, but I recognized that my love was more important than a 6 month affair, and yet I never really got over it. I felt like he betrayed me and I never want to feel that again and yet, I can't live with a depressing sex life either.

Should I just tell him and get it over with? What?

Thanks to those who actually decided to give thoughts on how to go from here.

Just a little note: I love my husband, and have no real intention to leave him. The only real area where he an I collide is the issue of sex.

See, I never wanted to do this in the first place, but he persisted for nearly 3 years before I went along with his idea. I was raised to believe that this sort of behavior was totally wrong. And I don't think anyone can really know the struggle this causes for some women. We love our husbands but are asking us to do things that go against everything we were taught about love. Unfortunately, the real struggle comes when your emotions and physical pleasure are at war with one another. On one hand I'm madly in love with the man I married and on the other, I'm in bed with someone who is making me feel more alive than ever thought possible.

I'm not trying to justify the deceit of the present. But people seem to ignore the complexities that go along with this lifestyle. It can be confusing and I don't care how much people want to pretend to point fingers of ethical misconduct, no one is without blemish.

But I didn't ask for a lesmister in ethics, or to be ridiculed, I asked for advice and as I said earlier, thank you to those who were observant enough to listen to what I said versus becoming emotionally agitated enough to hurl insults at people over situations that you could never really know, or know enough about to make such sweeping generalizations.


ugh!