A wife needs advice.....

I'm not new to the site as my husband frequently visits, however this
is why I will remain anonymous.

So here is the issue. My husband has been wanting me to cuckold him
again now for the past several months. However, the last time I did it
it turned into a disaster. I dunno if this is normal but I fell in
love with the man I was seeing and my husband who had suggested we
start this lifestyle became extremely angry.

I never wanted to stop, but I broke it off for the sake of my
marriage. That was 3 years ago. But even after the disaster my husband
has continued to ask me to do it again. Now he has been bringing up the idea even more idea. Coming to this site nightly and trying to talk me into
again. He can't even get aroused unless he is fantasizing about me
with another man.

But I have a secret. I have already been seeing someone for 3
months. Knowing my husband wants me to cuckold him again I don't know
if I should tell him. I'm afraid that it will turn into a disaster
like last time. I don't want to give what I have up. But I hate lying
to him because I love him. I don't know whats wrong with me but when
we started this thing I never knew how good sex could be and now it is
very important to me. I guess I do fit the stories in some ways because he is very small, but before we started this lifestyle thing it was never an issue. Now it is very big issue.

Plus, I have begun to develop feelings for this other man. I
don't want to marry him, we are very different. But it is hard for me not fall in love with someone who makes me feel the way he does.

I really don't know what to do. I want to believe that my husband can
handle it, but if he can't I don't know what I would.

Last time we split up because I refused to stop seeing my lover, but I recognized that my love was more important than a 6 month affair, and yet I never really got over it. I felt like he betrayed me and I never want to feel that again and yet, I can't live with a depressing sex life either.

Should I just tell him and get it over with? What?

BTW, sorry for being such a drag...

I don't mean to make light of your situation, but you are describing something I can relate to and that is one of my all time fantasies. I was the same way as your husband. And the crazy thing is I still want her to do it too.

In my case I was young and unsure of myself, and I got angry too. I asked my wife to stop and she got very angry. But despite my feelings I look back at all the times that she cuckolded me and I can't remember a time in which I more in love and awe of her. It was absolutely incredible. She hints that she'd do it again, but like you is afraid that I will get angry again.

What I wouldn't give for my wife to agree to cuckold me again by confessing that she already was.

I'd tell him, he opened the door anyway, you can't undo things like that.

I would have to say that it is going to blow up in your face. You have been deceiving him while you are with the new man and him not knowing. I would say that by you not putting it down the first time when asked and now you already have a man for 3 months without him knowing you will be deemed an untrustworthy slut.

Crazier things have happened!

It is obvious and you have already realised this, but you need to decide exactly what you want from your marriage!

I have sent you an IM with more thoughts on this.

You're a cheater and have no respect for your husband or your relationship.

Either break off your affair or leave your husband, one or the other. If you have kids, I hope you break off the affair.

Shame on you for lying to your husband and cheating on him.

My advice is to break off with this man. After that, you can have a cuckold relationship with your husband but you need to set some ground rules. Namely, no dating and no seeing the other man without your husband present. You seem to have a problem with falling in love with these other guys. Therefore, you should only have the other guy come over for sex while your husband is there and that's it.

You need to patch up your marriage, spend more time with your husband.

Remember, cheating isn't cuckolding.

cheating is not cuckolding so basically your a cunt.

I can understand where this lady is coming from...She, like most women, as Riven pointed out, is emotionally connected with her sexual partners. I've always believed that once your woman fucks the same guy 3 times, she is his - call it my "rule of three"...Therefore, I believe that if you intend to keep a relationship entact, changing partners is essential.

As for this situation, Riven is spot on in his analysis. Ultimately this marriage has deeper issues than the lifestyle.

""""You're hard on her James, """"

I disagree.

Cheaters are scumbags. Especially if they have youngren together. Not only is she cheating on her husband but she's going to screw up her kid's lives as well and break up the family.

I'm not hard on her by calling her a cheating cunt.

I used to work as a PI and some of my work was with cheating spouses. My specialty was corporate espionage but sometimes the firm had too many spouse cases so I would have to do the ones that were difficult or that the new guys couldn't handle. In every case, when the permister cheated on tried to stay in the relationship and make it work, it never worked. Never. I found that cheaters already lack respect for their spouse and consider them a whimp. When that permister finds out their spouse was cheating and tried to work things out and forgives them for it, the cheater just sees them as more of a whimp than they first thought. After a year or so, they continue to cheat and lie.

This woman obviously has a problem in that she 'falls in love' with these guys that she fucks. She needs to spend some time on her own and develop her own sense of independence.

But that's another matter.

Unfortunately, James, this concept you have is simply wrong and fails to truly understand human nature.

I like your stuff you put out James, it's a turn on, but the reality is, sex is deeply intertwined with emotion and the mind. And, to separate it from genuine love is the unnatural action. The one with the real problem is the one who has sex and turns it into a meaningless emotional activity like mowing the lawn.

Her husband is as much to blame as anyone - b/c he is the one who pushed her into this - and opened the door. Once you do that with someone, sexual relations with others creates a desire and a challenge to close that door. It is a failure to understand human nature.

Cliche's are often flawed, but in this case, the cliche is true and accurate - She's "tasted the red of the chicken" at her husband's urging - and now that he created that passion and desire for sex; and for sex with others besides her husband; he should not be surprised or disappointed that she has had sex with others behind his back.

You've missed the deepseated nature & emotion of sexual intimacy - especially for most women.

Your view that all this should be handled with "independence" and that there should be no "issues" that arise between a husband and wife who love each other (that is, they are not just using one another or just friends) reminds me of Thomas Wolfe's article: "The Great Relearning."

At the height of the Hippie movement in the late 60's at Haight-Asbury - with hippies living in communal fashion - hospitals and doctor offices began having to treat medical diseases that had disappeared long before - they were caused by the "free" & "rebellious" lifestyles of not bathing; not changing sheets or even having sheets on mattresses - and multiple people relaxing on the mattresses. All sorts of medical issues emerged among the people who THOUGHT they were experiencing true, natural freedom and living.

What took place was a "great relearning" - they realized that many of the societal rules and mores they had rejected were there for a reamister - to reject them brought on all sorts of problems - both physically and emotionallly.

When a permister engages in sex with multiple partners - the door opens for divided loyalties. Especially if it is encouraged by the husband or if he encourages her to have a steady "boyfriend" in the cuckold scene - do not be surprised if the wife eventually falls for a man; or that she is then tempted to have sex on other occasions with other people without the husband's knowledge.

Bottom line - when you go down this road in real life - problems will arise in relationships and a "great relearning" WILL take place. We are just at the early stages of the hippie movement with this cuckold fantasy world. But, it will eventually change.

it sounds like your marriage will suffer even if you break it off and don't tell him because you won't be satisfied with him now. maybe you should find out once and for all if he can actually handle being a cuck. it was his fantasy to begin with, right? and he wanted it to be more than a fantasy. so if he can't deal with the reality then he has to take some of the responsibility for the situation.
joguy

""""""""Her husband is as much to blame as anyone - b/c he is the one who pushed her into this - and opened the door.""""""""""

Nothing in her message indicated that her husband 'pushed' her into it the first time. And simply because a couple was in a cuckold relationship in the past doesn't give a spouse an excuse to have an affiar.

She wrote this:

"""But I have a secret. I have already been seeing someone for 3
months. Knowing my husband wants me to cuckold him again I don't know
if I should tell him."""""

After they tried cuckolding and it failed, years ago, she now is having an affair. Nothing about that indicates that she was pushed into it or that her husband 'opened the door'.

I understand what you mean by this:

"""
When a permister engages in sex with multiple partners - the door opens for divided loyalties.""""""

But I don't feel that simply because a couple is open minded about sex and swinging that it gives anyone an excuse or pass to have an affair.

We can agree to disagree and I'm not about to have some weird internet argument with a stranger. I do see your point but I disagree.

A cheater is a cheater is a cheater and I think people who make excuses for them or blame the permister cheated on are whimps with low self-esteem, low standards, and they're only asking for more. We all have standards of behavior that we allow in our lives, some are higher than others.

True, true.

I think my experiences with investigating cheaters has taught me that they never change. Only a very, very few can. What they do is just get more cautious.

I remember one guy who hid the keys to his secret apartment behind the sideview mirror of his car. When he left the apt. he would turn the mirror all the way to one side and put the keys behind it wrapped in a sponge to prevent it from rattling.

Thanks to those who actually decided to give thoughts on how to go from here.

Just a little note: I love my husband, and have no real intention to leave him. The only real area where he an I collide is the issue of sex.

See, I never wanted to do this in the first place, but he persisted for nearly 3 years before I went along with his idea. I was raised to believe that this sort of behavior was totally wrong. And I don't think anyone can really know the struggle this causes for some women. We love our husbands but are asking us to do things that go against everything we were taught about love. Unfortunately, the real struggle comes when your emotions and physical pleasure are at war with one another. On one hand I'm madly in love with the man I married and on the other, I'm in bed with someone who is making me feel more alive than ever thought possible.

I'm not trying to justify the deceit of the present. But people seem to ignore the complexities that go along with this lifestyle. It can be confusing and I don't care how much people want to pretend to point fingers of ethical misconduct, no one is without blemish.

But I didn't ask for a lesmister in ethics, or to be ridiculed, I asked for advice and as I said earlier, thank you to those who were observant enough to listen to what I said versus becoming emotionally agitated enough to hurl insults at people over situations that you could never really know, or know enough about to make such sweeping generalizations.


ugh!

It's hard to make generalizations about your relationship from what is known. The facts of any given situation are usually colored by a web of entangled feelings and actions.

You say you've no intention of leaving him for real. What I see is... no control. I don't mean that in the sense of not being able to control desires. I meant it in the sense of control within the relationship. It sounds like your husband is almost begging for it. It's no longer a question of whether you wanted this or not. You're in it. The question of whether you wanted it or not has been superceded by what you're going to do with it.

The reality of cheating is that you'll probably eventually be caught. Having lived through one disaster, do you really want another? I wrote this in another thread, and it's true. Define what your part in this lifestyle before else you will afterwards by necessity. Where I see you, is sitting on a fence being pulled both ways. Take some time and define your best case scenario to yourself. Once you do it, establish the rule set that will allow you to reach that point.

That's how you go about it. Rules are rules. Don't break them or allow them to be broken. The problem secretive wife is that no one in this triangle has any control of the triangle. That's going to be your place to a degree.

If you want to talk offline my id is powerd_entry12 on yahoo. I've dommed couples and wives and trained others. Ninety percent of getting where you want to be is knowing where you want to be.

You seem extremely well educated secretive_wife. I find your story interesting.... let me guess, you have your Masters Degree in something...?

Great thread. This is the question, isn't it?

We have this cavalier attitude about this infidelity game. I believe that there is this thing about women wanting to partner with whoever puts their cock in them and makes them feel good.

I think that sex in humans is like that. The good feelings create a bond between people. It is evident in many species. In higher primates who do not engage in recreational sex, there is grooming. The good feelings create emotional bonds.

I have been single and promiscuous for over 30 years. When I stoppped counting, I had over 150 women. I actually counted in the 80's. I'm not bragging, everybody got laid in the 80's

From my experience, if I can get the woman into bed, she will become attached. There are some exceptions, but those women were just in love with something else; themselves, holy water, haves, or money.

I really liked the posting of Riven on anther thread. I have nowhere near the s******* he has, but I agree that it is important to understand the woman.

But the point here is. If I dont want her to become attached, I don't fuck her. We play, kiss, suck, etc. But no fucking. If I want to get rid of her, I find a way for her to fuck someone else.

After fucking, women become attached. If a man becomes submissive and serves his woman up to a 'bull', or dominant man, she will lose affection and attraction for cucky and become 'in love' with the bull.

Even if they love the husband, he will become like a brother, or a sister, or a gay friend. I thought this before, and believe it more strongly after visiting this site.

I have successfully disposed of two unwanted partners by looking the other way as they took a lover. Then I encouraged them (cuckold) They each fell in love with the other men, and I was free.

I am by no means a prince, but both of the "bulls" were not as good looking, had less money, and smaller dicks.

Secretive wife is that type of woman. If she fucks him, she will become attached.

If a permister is our partner, we CAN find erotica within our relationship. Sucessful cuckolding requires real honesty and intimacy.
Few couples posess that.

Many 'cuck wanna bes' on this site are "topping from the bottom". In fact, the woman is submissive if she is pushed into fucking another.

Just my experience. Might not be always true, but its my experience.

Hope its on topic and doesn't bore you too much.
I will make you crazy.

um break it off
tell hubby you'll cuck him
start it up again


HIT1969

I'm glad you posted, secretive_wife. Despite what some people on the thread, the situation is always complicated. It's not as easy as one thing or the other.

Something like a third of married women have affairs. They aren't all awful people.

A year ago, my marriage was basically over. It had been over for probably a year or two--no sex, no affection, just conflict and fighting. We were together only in name, and really, only because we were so exhausted and depressed actually splitting up seemed like too much of a hassle.

I discovered some things indicating my wife was looking around for partners for sex. I was torn up (and, as you might have guessed from the place where we're posting this, excited). But how could I tell her I knew what she was doing--in fact I'd invaded her privacy before, and it was a terrible sore point.

Sure enough, we fought about it, pretty bad. But then we turned a corner: I'd chosen my words carefully and sugared it with the proposition that in the right circumstances she could go ahead with what she was doing.

That was a turning point for us. I don't know if I'm a cuckold; I'm actually not really interested in the label or a lifestyle of this or the other. But I do know that for the first time in a long time we really wanted to have sex with each other, we had real affection and our relationship transformed amazingly.

I say this not because it's directly applicable to your situation. I "caught" her before she'd acted on what she was doing (though really, just before, by maybe a day or two). I don't know if it would have been different had I not.

I think in general, keeping secrets from each other and not being yourselves with each other is terribly poimisterous to a relationship. If you have a chance with your husband, it will be from a position of honesty. It may be that you're looking for somewhat different things (you, polyamory, assuming that you are in love with your lovers and your husband at the same time; and him, cuckold play, which isn't really the same thing). I think if you're to have a relationship, it will be because (like any other couple with differing sexual needs--which is to say every couple) you can navigate the tension between these goals to a suitable compromise.

My question would be whether or not you really love this guy you're seeing, or is it just the thrill that attracts you (maybe just the rushing of bing in love). It's easy to get confused, and it sounds like you have a complicated situation to sort out, so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Just take some time by yourself and try to sort out what you (not your husband) really wants. Unless you're happy with the decision, it won't matter what he thinks.

secretive_wife, your situation sounds exactly like me and my wife's. i kinda even thought you might have posted as my wife but i know now that that is not true. i have been cucked for almost 6 years by my wife. she has been with many many men over those 6 years and she has always done so with me knowing about her dates beforehand. this past year she got deeply involved with one of her guys and she saw him several times per week without telling me of it. when i finally found out about it, we almost split up. she told me that she could not be married if she was not able to see whoever she wanted to see. so i had a choice to make. get divorced from my wife or accept things as they were. i chose to stay married and accept the situation as it was. after almost a year of this new situation i confess that it is many many times better for us both and it is very exciting for me in a cuckold role. i'll tell you why i say this. my wife still "dates" various Bulls with my complete knowledge of them all. all but 1 of her Bulls is aware of me being cuckolded. my wife and her Bulls involve me in approximately 65% of their dates and their sex. i would guess that i have sucked all but 3 of her 7 Bulls this past year and i am almost always ordered to perform cleanup duties on the Bull and his creampie in my wife. i am domminated and cucked by my Wife and her Bulls most often. now onto her relationship with this lover of hers that she has had for a year. the rules we have in place regarding this specific guy are much different than the rules we have for her other dates. he does not know that i am a cuckold and he does not know that i know anything at all of the relationship he has with my wife. my wife does not have to tell me beforehand of times that they may be meeting and it is at her discretion if she tells me afterwards, although usually she does as i am eating her creampie. many times, my wife and i will go out together and her and her lover have pre-arranged that he will also be at the same place that we are. all that he knows is that i know that my wife and him are friends and so usually he joins me and my wife for the evening, which actually becomes a huge turn on for me as they tease, flirt, and dance together. many times, he will try to get me takes or sometimes i will fake being very takes as i watch them become bolder in their playing together in public. there has also been 3 recent times that he has faked being too takes to drive home on evenings that i pretended to be takes and passing out. one of these time, i even pretend-****** in our living room and i was as close as 3 feet from them as i listened and sometimes was able to watch my wife sucking his cock and then i enjoyed the sights, sounds, and smells of her "secret lover" pounding her doggy style over the back of the couch as they both moaned and whispered that they loved each other as they finished. i will finish this post soon.......

I'm not sure you are giving your husband the benifit of the doubt.

To give you the perspective of a fellow husband that had trouble the first time around. My wife and I had been married six months or so the first time we met with another guy. It was a calamity to say the least. It had to do with my insecurities. We have now been married for over eight years and have been through many highs and lows (I say this a little tounge-in cheek as I am Bipolar) but as it turns out my wife loves me in spite of myself.

Much like your husband I over-reacted out of jealousy, the fellow had a beautiful 10" cock and he dominated the session. I lost it and my wife told him to stop and we left.

She was hesitant to try again but we fantisized about it regularly and it got us so hot so many times that I couldn't begin to tell you how many. We finally acted on it ("Fantasy Come True" under Stories Fourm this site)
I was secure in our relationship and it was a wonderful experience.

If she had taken a lover and not told me about it it would have *******ed me, had I found out about it. She has my blessing to be with anyone she chooses with the condition she let's me know, soon after the fact if not before. We both truly enjoy when I clean her up afterwards.

She has found a couple that we are scheduled to go on a "date" with and we are both very excited.

The point, after so much rambling, is that if your husband is still interested he may react differently the next time around.

Might I suggest that maybe you don't use the "In Love" words when talking to your husband about a lover. Not all of us are into the offense part of this lifestyle as others seem to be.

However you choose to deal with this may I wish you happiness and joy, for you and your husband.
mtnsong06

Seems to me that you have a good understanding of where you want to go....

I think that you can cleverly shape this in a way that satisfys him as well as you.

Suggest as you ease back into this, you demonstrate that you don't fall in love with your bull, ir=t is simply sexual/sensual. You can make that happen, be mindful when you pick your bull....

We're all playing with fire when it comes to this kind of sexual play. Her question is coming from reality, not fantasy. So the guys that call her names, I hope you have great tabs on the women your asking to cuck you.

I have gone on dates with wifes and girl friends. In one meeting where the women was given complete no holds barred permission, (and I know because I talked to her guy), she still asked me not to tell him that we had sex. Her reamister was because it was a date and the details are our intimate experience not his. She told him nothing happened and we still see each other one the side once in a while.

A woman, (who is now a friend of mine) was given permission to find a sexual partner at the urging of her husband. But what she did was meet a lot of guys for sex and never told him about them. Sometimes she just told him they didn't work out and other times he never knew she was out bobbing up and down on some guys cock at all. I was one of those guys.

We got to be friends and I eventually pretended to meet her and him for the first time. We had a good threesome. But I have to admit, it is so much better fucking her married ass away from him.

For one thing, he was kind of chubby, sweaty and he breathed funny as he played with himself. He also got all directing on us. telling her to move so he could get a better view of me fucking her while he sat against the wall. Then he brought out the camera - without first asking.

I can understand why women don't want to go through with that. But I guess they rationalize that if they are given permission and when they go through with it, it's hard to share with a guy they see as wimpy and maybe less than in other ways.

I prefer to be in charge when the husband is there. I learned from this site to tell him to get under the bed. He can look out and see her kneeling in front of my feet. Then I take her right on top of him.
Just discovered that what I have been doing for a while is called being a Bull.

Secretive Wife: I don't know you ... but I already adore you

There have been a lot of replies to secretive wife's posts and the most interesting thing about them is the really good advice coming out (well, mostly good). I have always preferred open and honest relationships since that way (at least for me) the risks are minimised. BUT there are always going to be risks with this kind of lifestyle, not least of which is the kind mentioned in this string - that is, the wife/gf falling in love with the Bull/lover. It seems clear to me that a lot of guys love to fantasise about their wives being fucked by other men, but for most this remains just that - a fantasy. For some of the lucky ones it can go the whole way and their fantasy becomes reality with a whole range of results!!!

Those guys on here who are serious and those who have fulfilled their fantasy will know that probably more than 90% of women simply don't respond to the idea of the swinging/cuckold lifestyle in the way our fantasies would love it to be. That is to say, most women do not see sex without emotional attachment as an option. Some women can (and I know since I was married to one once - another story...) but mostly the big risk for men who encourage their wives to fuck other men is that they will fall in love (even if man involved doesnt) and for a lot of guys this becomes too difficult emotionally to deal with.

Of course, there are also guys for whom this is the ultimate fantasy but they are trully a rare breed. I won't and don't criticise anyone on here whatever their comments since one of the most interesting things about being human is we are all (to varying degrees) different in our outlook and desires and also the way we deal with situations.

My wife and I have been experiencing more of a swinging than cuckolding lifestyle for some years; I am sometimes a cuckold to her but I am not a wimp cuckold in that I still enjoy sex and find it very hard to say no to a new girl. My wife also knows that I have never had any objections to her fucking other guys and I have been that way as long as I realised that jealousy and sexual arousal are very close relatives!! Control one and the other explodes where no orgasm has gone before.

So I have a small piece of advice for secretive wife but first a bit of what I have experienced which might be useful to all who read it - maybe arousing and maybe very funny - who knows - the way you interpret it is entirely up to you. The only right and wrong in all of this is the way it is right or wrong for you.

I have been married three times and in all three marriages there has been a degree of the swinging lifestyle along with cuckolding. You might argue that the proof it doesnt work out is that I have been married three times. Maybe. I also have friends who have been married four times and have never indulged in open relationships. I only know that my first two marriages broke up and neither of the break-ups had anything whatsoever to do with a swinging lifestyle. I have been with my third wife for 12 years and we are still going strong in spite of a couple of serious issues along the way.

She has never been into the swinging lifestyle as it is usually defined but does find it almost impossible to say no to a guy she gets turned on by and who comes on to her. We did try several ways of introducing a swinging lifestyle but none really worked for us even though there was some terrific sex during those instances. The real issue for her is that my fantasy would be for her to have as many sexual partners as she could find and for her that is not really a starter. She prefers to get really involved emotionally with anyone she has sex with and for her that is when the problems start.

I love her enjoying her sexual encounters and her emotional attachments with other men but she finds it very hard to accept that that does not mean I no longer want her. She thinks that if I say it is ok for her to fall in love with another guy then it means I am trying to end the relationship. She has tried really hard to understand where I am coming from and I know many on here will understand, but she just cannot get her head around it. Maybe one day she will but not yet. Nevertheless, she still cannot resist the temptation to fuck another guy. Both jacana and switchpincher make excellent points related to all of this. Of course, this all creates an inner turmoil with my wife and she becomes very frustrated emotionally with her perception of her own failure to deal with the situations she gets into. We came very close to splitting up a few years ago because of a guy she was seeing.

As I have no idea how long these posts can be I will continue this in the next post...

Continuing....

The guy in question was an Indian guy with whom she worked. He had a reputation of flirting outrageously with female colleagues and my wife, who is very attractive and sexy, was an obvious target for him. I met him once at an office lunch to which I had been invited and I have to say I took an instant dislike to him - this was before anything had happened and even before my wife began to develop feelings for him. He seemed arogant, brash, cocksure and in love with himself... you might know the type. The next month she would talk about work and every time he would be mentioned in the coversation. I knew then she was developing feelings for him even though she didn't seem to know herself. About a year before she had fallen in love with her boss only to discover he was a complete nerd. The had sex about a doozen times and it just kinda died out. I was lucky enough to be able to watch on two occasions with him knowing and it was a fabulously horny experience but she was always uncomfortable with me watching. So since then I have never seen her have sex with another guy.

So this Indian guy at work started coming on heavy with her and she told me about how she felt - excited and flattered and horny etc. Now, as you will have guessed, I amwriting this all on this site because I find it totally amazing the thought of my wife being fucked by another man and so I knwo there will be a few of you out there who can empathise with what I was feeling. Of course, I encouraged her to go along with him BUT I also told her to be very cautious as I did not trust the guy and also that affairs in the workplace very often lead to complications later. However, she was, as always, free to go wherever her head and heart might take her. Over the next couple of weeks she confided in me several times about takes she had with him after work in local pubs. Finally, she sent me a text telling me she and he were alone in a pub after all their work colleagues had left and that he had gone to the loo after making it very clear to her that he wanted to take her back to his place to be very naughty with her. She wanted my advice - what should she do??? I texted back to say it was up to her and that she should go with her own feelings and relax. I told her that I was ok with whatever she chose to do and reminded her about my concerns about the guy. Next she calls me from the loo about half an hour later saying that they had kissed and she had really enjoyed it and had become very horny and wet. He had asked her back to his place again and she had also felt his cock through his pants and it had been, in her words, 'massively erect and very long'. She asked if I was angry with her and I told her no of course not. I knew now that she would be going back to fuck him since I know she is unable to resist once it ahs gone that far. I told her to enjoy herself but to let me know what was happening via txt if she could. We have a txt code in which she simply sends XX to me if she knows she is about to be fucked. She texted me a bit later to say she was going back to his place and was I sure I was ok with it. I said yes - no problem. Half an hour later I got the XX. That was about 11pm and she arrived home at 4 am. She has always been reluctant to tell me much about her encounters which is where the cuckold bit comes in for me. But she did tell me thay had fucked for 3 hours and he had come in her mouth but that she had not orgasmed. I gave her an orgasm right there and then while I masturbated until I came. She described a bit more about their sex whilst I masturbated her and it was already obvious she was falling for him.

They saw each other once a fortnight after that, occasionally once a week, but no more. This carried on for about 6 months. During that time she told me she had fallen in love with him. That was a massive turn on for me since I know that most women prefer sex within the context of a loving relationship and that if she was now in love then she would be enjoying the sex with him even more and that made me more excited. But she always came back unsatisfied. He never seemed able to make her orgasm although he always did and usually in her mouth. Then she started seeing him with telling me. I knew she would as this had happened in the past and it fitted in with her desire not to tell me anything about what happened between them. I never challnged her about it since I had already given her permission to do whatever she wanted and if that meant her seeing him without telling me then so be it. I always knew when she had seen him since she came hom later than usual (around 11 - 11.30 pm) saying she had been for takes with friends. On some of those occasions she would 'own up' and admit she had seen him but that he had treated her badly - either being rude to her or just expecting a bj then falling arelax.

All this began about two and a half years ago and stopped about 8 months ago. He never fell for her although that was her dearest wish and she, for a while, was hopelessly in love with him. That period was sometimes difficult for us and somtimes got us closer together as I helped her through her emotional difficulties. Now she is over him and loves me more than ever and says she will never go down that road again. Well he was number four and I doubt he will be the last. We went through some very rough times and I thought at the time I would never want her to have sex with another guy, especially if all that would happen was untold trauma, especially for her. Yet, a month after she had finished with him, she secretly wnet round to his place again and had sex. Same result though - no satisfaction for yer. She came home and after some talk and wine, admitted she had seen him and given him another bj for him to cum inside her mouth - yet nothing for her. Two days ago, she went to luch with a guy (white) who, in the past, has openly declared he has feelings for her and would love to get her into bed. She vowed never to go to lunch with him again yet two days ago - voila!! So how did I feel? For sure I do not want her getting hurt again yet the same feelings rose up inside me as did my cock when I realised that she may well be going down the same road again... Maybe I will let you all know - if you aren't alread way too bored with all of this.

Now for the advice to secret wife - if she is still listening. I fully understand everything you have said and applaud you for your courage to put it down in writing on this site (are you sure your husband won't have read it??). You must do as you feel and not feel guilty about it. My guess is you don't want to leave your husband as you love him very much; but you also need the 'love' that comes with a sexual relationship and for me I think you should continue with it - as long as you don't hurt your husband. Seems to me he got you into it in the first place so he ought to be able to cope with the emotions. If he can't then you keeping it a secret stops him from having the pain and allows you the sexual freedom or fulfillment you need. But you must make sure you keep it a secret and let it play out it's course. And if you ever feel it might lead you to leave your husband then you must stop it immediately as you might never forgive yourself the consequences.....

Well all agree that this is edgy stuff....I still say, simply "choose" not to fall in love w/ a bull; think about it when you select, when you agree, while you experience........tell yourself,over and over, this is not love.


Feeling a connection, I always do......but I am very careful not to let me or my hotwife be overcome w/love....


Sure, the "new, the forbidden" always provides a heightened sense. If you want to be in this lifestyle, it can't be the over-riding factor.

secretive_wife
marriage and relationships are so complex in emotion, so its impossible to say without really knowing you, so let me try and take things in a different direction, a lot of people here tend to focus on sex as being the center of there relationship, or what there relationship tends to revolve around anyhow! But there is so so much more emotions and aspects to a marriage completely aside from sex, which I'm sure you know and understand, and where a lot of complications come to play, and a lot of confusion comes to you! You love your husband, you love your marriage and what it brings to you, but it sounds like you have very little to no real sex life with your husband, which is not only a human need, but critical to a committed marriage, we all need a sex life, thats just nature! So lets look at your hubby for a second, do you think there might be deep seated feelings, emotions and possibly past experiences that have affected your husbands ability to react or perform sexually with you? No doubt he loves you very deeply, otherwise he wouldn't have married you, and maybe he knows within himself that he's not giving you what you need, for reamisters he might not understand himself, so in his own mind he interperates this (no matter how distorted it my be) as an inadequateness to please you sexually, which not only confuses him, but hurts him too, so to compensate for this hurt he develops this idea that only other men can give you what you need sexually, what he wants to give you, but feels he cant, and interperates this as what he wants, which is actually so far from the truth!! In other words, maybe he's trying to exchange his pain into sexual pleasure to enable him to cope with it, and when reality hits, it hits way to hard!!! And he only then realizes that his way of thinking is wrong, so he lashes out at you for it. And you. You poor sweetheart are so goddammed confused with the mixed signals, that you go ahead with what you think he wants, and do actually receive what you need from someone else, confuse it with love, only because its what your missing and craving so much in your life, but its not true love, so you go back to your husband even more confused?
So the question is, are you committed enough to your husband to guide and help him to become the sexual being he truly is, (could take years...) and what you want him to be?? or is it too hard to figure this out with your man? If its too hard then go your separate ways, if not, then make your man what you want him to be sexually, and then pursue other quests together, which i'm sure would become even more exciting for the both of you whatever they may be!!! I could be so far from the truth here i dont know, as i say, its hard without knowing you guys, but maybe i have helped some... Good luck

Good thread, anyone have more to add?