Just cam across something yogahotwife wrote on a blog to cuckold newcomers, thought I'd share
yogahotwife:
Something I wrote in reply to a man in a budding cuckold relationship who had some concerns and questions: I can only speak from my personal experience, and there are some parallels. Remember that I am talking about ME ... you may transfer some of what I am saying to HER, but this is only MY perspective, and it may provide some insight ... When I met my husband, I knew from the first time I saw his cock it was too small for me. It took me many many years to be able to express this with him, without fearing that I would hurt his feelings or ego. "size doesn't matter" we say, because it SHOULDN'T matter, if we are thinking only about people's feelings. We are all beautiful, we are all different sizes, blah blah blah. But the fact is, I am ROOMY inside, and i know that. If i want sex to feel pleasurable, it needs to be with a bigger cock. I also never thought I would get married, because I think that fucking one person for the rest of your life is tragic!!! Variety is the spice of life, and that includes cocks as well as anything else. When i met my husband, he showed me a way that we could have both (open relationship/swingers). I was jealous of other women, at first. I didn't like the idea that they could please him more than I could, in some ways. I wanted to be everything (perfectionist!) and it was a blow to my ego that another woman could be better than me. Now that was a long time ago, and I have grown a lot since then. I recognize that I cannot be everything, nor do I want to be. Simple example: I have size A cup breasts. Smaller even, LOL. Thankfully, my hubby isn't a breast man, but if he DID want to experience some floppy fun bags, obviously I am not the person to offer that. Does that mean floppy fun bags should be off the table for the rest of his life? Hell no! It means I need to know that I am number one in his life, confident enough to know I am that, while he maybe enjoy a number two or three or whatever. I could never provide the fulfilling breast experience that a larger woman could, so he is welcome to enjoy that. Now what you are describing is a little different. It's your cock, it's an actual player in sex, not just an innocent bystander LOL. However, as you said, she already is not gravitating toward it the way you want her to. The sooner you accept that, the better. If she is the "leader" in your relationship, then there still needs to be a "place" for your cock. It still is deserving of pleasure in some way, even if not the way you desire. Sometimes my husband and I do tantric exercises where he is inside me, but not "fucking" me per se. Sometimes I give him a hand job with one hand, and milk his prostate with the other. Sometimes I sit next to him while he masturbates, and I whisper sweet naughty nothings to him. We are still together, we are still close, but we are not fucking. It is just how it is. You might actually benefit from talking with him also, for his personal perspective:
[email protected] Now what is it about a "female led" relationship that scares you? Honestly, our relationship is not "led" by either of us ... we are both willing participants, but we revolve around MY sexual pleasure, because of the two of us, I am more of an "alpha fuck" than he is. He acknowledges that I can keep up with a big, athletic bull who takes me on quite a ride in the bedroom, and that makes me the "alpha" of the two of us. I am not a fem dom, I do not dominate him in bed ... I just lovingly tease him about his small cock, and the *********** turns him on. Honestly, fucking is just fucking. I have no interest in just fucking another guy without my husband there. I have had that MANY times, and i'm over it. it's just a physical fuck. But when you add the component of my husband watching and being turned on, that's what turns me on too. I'm not doing it FOR him, but we are enjoying it together, like "look what I can do!" We are SO much more connected than just through our genitalia! a loving glance, leaning in for a kiss, our foreheads touching, laying intertwined together ... these make me feel more loved and closer to him than a fucking ever could. I find guys online mostly, as those are the ones who I know will be ok with hubby there, and hopefully being involved in humiliating him with words and actions, not just letting him watch. But I could just as easily go to a bar with hubby, and then pick someone up there and bring him home ... I just want to make sure the guy i bring him is kinkier than the average guy, so online is easier. Also, I'd rather keep a lower profile in my personal community ... my friends know we're "open", and some know that I like to fuck other guys, but no one yet knows he's locked and the recipient of humiliating acts like cleaning up the other guy's cum, or sucking him, or whatever. Open communication with your partner, and lots of it, is required. Be vulnerable with her ... if you have fears, express them with no ego. She loves you. She doesn't want to hurt you. I'm sure she wants you on this journey with her, but you need to work TOGETHER to figure out your role and where you fit in. And it will morph and change as time goes on ... just remember the love that runs like an undercurrent through it all.
