oelx2
Anonymous
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#1 · Edited by: oelx2
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Now we all know that it looks like hotwifin' is here to stay, and boy I'll tell ya, I haven't had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader*  .
But even if you're ready to pork anything with a pulse, it's still a good idea to have a system in place when you're in "da club" so you can tell just how "hot" these hotties are and you don't end up with the blues once you empty yer blue-balls.
Of course, when scopin' slutwives you can just look down at yer "manometer", but I find that the best way to take these hotwives' temperatures is using the old Bo Derek system, 1 - 10, where you'd "play house" with a 10 ("you can be the door and I'll slam you all night") and call the cops on a 1. Now a tart-chart like this is gonna be different for each and every punter out there. For instance, I'm not into the rolly-poly types, so there gonna be low on my gash-gauge. Whereas tall blondes and old ladies who dress like teenagers will rank right up there.
So lets give it a go.
10 - Willowy blondes (Gweneth Paltrow)
9.999 - Heidi Klum (special thanks to that chump Trump)
9 - Young gals growin' up quick (Taylor Swift)
8 - Milfs decked out like a Christmas tree (Madonna)
7 - Sino sluts (Like the hotties in "Gangnam Style)
6 - Tattooed trailer trash (Miley Cyrus)
5 - Passable trannies (Caitlyn Jenner)
4 - Big-boobed beauties (Dolly Parton)
3 - Brunettes and Plain Janes (America Ferrera, aka "Ugly Betty")
2 - Tons-o'-fun-ers (Rosanne Barr)
1 - Toothless crack hos (example not needed) 
Ok, here you go:
The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!
Now once you finish yer slit-list, you gotta match the numbers with any given club situation, from glory-holes to one-on-ones.
"Blind" glory hole (where you can't see who's on the other side): 1-10 on the whore-score.
- Here the most important requirement is a hungry mouth, so yer toothless crack ho might actually come in handy here. Gotta watch out though; if you see a couple through the hole, they might be pullin' the ol' switcheroo...... so hubby can get a taste of stray meat too
Port-hole glory-hole (with a window for "viewin'): 3-10 on the debauch-o-meter.
- Now since yer gonna get a gander at who's changin' yer oil, things are more important in the looks department. Some might argue though, that the biggest requirement here is a nice lookin' top-of-the-head
Darkroom (either pitch black or semi dark): 3-10 on the skank-rank.
- You might think looks don't matter if you can't see who's ticket yer punchin', but ask any blind guy and he'll tell ya, that you can "see" perfectly the "international" way; with "Russian" hands and "Roman" fingers. Sometimes though a crack of light can be just the ticket to a hot time; Glimses of stocking, shadows on the wall, bodies heavin' with lust, etc. Your Plain Janes and Trannies get an upgrade here.
"Public" blow jobs (in the lounge area or hallway) 5-10 on the maid-grade.
- It's great gettin' capped and all the better if all the other chicken c-h-o-k-e-r-s are jealously gawkin' at ya, but you sure don't wanna snake yer snake into a snake, so ya gotta be picky. A passable tranny or a "but-her" face would also do the "trick" here.
Swing or gyno-table gang bang: (with 3 cues: left and right of her head and between her legs): 6-10 on the mating-rating.
- Because all the "participants" are standing up, this form of GB is not as intimate as one on a mattress, so it's basically a bump-her-hump fest. But the good views of both the strumpet and all the action pushes the "score" up to 6+.
Missionary style GB: 7-10 on the cheater-meter.
- Because the trollop is on her back legs-up, the "lucky stiff" in the saddle is going to be layin' horizontal on top of her, and this increases the level of intimacy, hence the "rise" in the ratin' to 7+. The blow jobbers however are still pretty "erect", so if yer gonna take yer "root" that route you can dip down to a 6.
MFM (with hubby in on the action) 8-10 on the fornicator-indicator.
- No matter what dirty deed you're actually doin', you gotta keep yer "standards" up, 'cause you don't want to any "railin' - regrets" when you're all spent.
One on one (with cucky hubby watchin') 8 -10 on the cum-pendium.
- Here you're gonna be the primary "care-giver" so you can expect the whole nine yards; tit-lickin', muff divin', sixty-ninin', missionary, reverse cowgirl, etc. So it' gonna be "up close and personal" and you sure don't want end up doggie-stylin' her and she starts barkin' at the moon.
One on one (she gets a hall pass) 9-10 on the whory-inventory.
- Here you've just chatted 'em up in the bar and wifey gets the "nod" to go off in a room with you alone, so this could turn into real"lovemakin'" instead of raunchy club-sex, so you better do your homework and get the "chemistry" right. If you're into blondes though you gotta make sure the "carpet" matches the "drapes".
Well that about "sums" it up, so let's hear your version of the twat-table and remember; diff'rent "strokes" for diff'rent folks!
* I was datin' alot back then. (Sgt. Frank Drebin, The Naked Gun)
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