What made me become a Cuckold

I just want to say i've never had any real life cuckold experience but i've been having fantasies about it for months now and here is how it started.

 I've been in a talking stage with a girl and although we've never been officially dating we sorta acted like we were. We were really close and i really loved her. We've never done anything sexual and we weren't in a relationship for multiple reasons although both of us wanted it at the certain point it just never happened and none of us have done anything about it.

She was showing me multiple mixed signals and i was reconsidering if i was ready for a relationship at the moment since i really wanted it to work out. It was going on for months and it was really amazing i've just haven't had balls to do anything at the right moment and that's how it started.

Everything was going well i didn't want to rush things and i wanted for us to get together naturally and haven't thought much about if it was official since i've acted and had feeling like it was. One day i just woke up realizing She've blocked me everywhere. I was so lost and confused, i reached out to her best friend and texted her from other accounts and she was just shady and wasn't clear about anything.

We was kinda on and off for next few weeks and i had no idea what was going to happen next but eventually she told me she had something with the other guy she met at the club, felt guilty had no idea what to do and just blocked me and chose him. I was again so confused and so broken i've never experienced anything like that but i've realize the more i was thinking about the more i was fantasizing about what they've done together exactly and at what point.

Also i'm very upset i wasn't there to see it and experience it with my eyes. Just the thought of her pleasuring other guy or vice versa made me so aroused especially because we've never done anything sexual although i was acting like we were in a relationship and haven't done anything with anyone else in that period.

 The months have passed we haven't been in contact i missed her so much but the only thought of her i was having was her being with other guys and having intercourse while i watch/while she tells me all about it.

The story had another chapter few months ago when at the random party i was supposed to go with an acquaintance 2 of them met. He had no idea i've had anything with her and she had no idea i know him. 2 of them were making out at the public party so passionately to the point they've almost had sex. When i heard about that i couldn't believe my ears.They've been flirting for weeks and i've explained the situation to the guy and begged him to cut her off and he did it.

Looking back i don't know why i did it i know i shouldn't. Everyday i'm having thoughts about that party and that would've happened if they had sex and if i was there as i was supposed to be. I'm just sorry i wasn't there to see both of those events with my own eyes i know i would've love it so much.

 It's been almost 10 months since the first incident and about 4 since the second one i still miss her and think about everything we've had and regret that i haven't asked her to be with me. I wish we were together all this time and we were together when both of this events took place and probably many others i don't know about.

At the end of the day i wish both of us were more open and i wish she knew that it doesn't bother me it even arouses me.I wish she would text me to tell me how happy she is with other man and describe me in brief detail what they are doing that we never did.