New Cuck Here...need advice dealing with angst and how to handle it

"Jut tell(ing) her your concerns" is pretty much the whole deal Will... Your concerns about her being "over us" and (expressed elsewhere) about her sharing your limited time with someone else are core legitimate concerns to be discussed.

These are just my opinions here, but they're based on my experience with my own hotwife and our 20+ years together.

The place you want to be in your mind is that this isn't a threat to your relationship: It's an enhancement to it! And, TBH, you're going to have a really hard time getting to that place and staying there mentally and emotionally if you're concerns about her being "over us and just wants to feel some excitement in her life." Those are two distinct observations: If the first is a problem then its one for you two to work out (with a counselor perhaps)... But just wanting some excitement in her life (which also includes "in your marriage) is an awesome opportunity!

I'm fit, attractive, successful, have a moderately large dick and generally know how to use it to please a woman. But 20 years is a long LONG time... My wife enjoys variety in bed and - invariably - it heats up the sex between us as well... There is ~always~ a chance that my wife is going to meet her "next Mr. Right" when she's out catting-around, but the chance is pretty slim. I mean, who else would give her all the lovin' I give her at home AND let her sow her wild oats from time-to-time? And in your case, you've got your 4 kids to further cement the two of you into a relationship...

I don't know anything about either of you, so forgive me if my assumptions here are wrong, leading to suggestions that aren't helpful.

You say y'all have already set boundaries. That's a big deal to me... it says you're both committed to not letting this damage your marriage or your family. You have every right (and even a responsibility) to raise any serious concerns or ref flags that come to you: Open communication before and after the event are important. She'll probably be a bit flattered and relieved to know that you're a little bit jealous and "worried." I mean, imagine if she suggested stepping out on you and you ~weren't~ even a little bit threatened... what would that say to her about how YOU feel in the marriage?

You probably ~don't~ want to make your cuckold angst her problem (I view cuckold angst as sort of the Habanero spice that gives the situation a little extra kick). the angst though should be surface level and transient. Not something that eats you up 24/7 and makes you miss ***** or work. For me, the angst is sometimes intense, but it is also incredibly erotic and part of the build-up to one of my wife's escapades.

Tinder is great, when used properly. I have my wife's Tinder PW and full & free access to it whenever I want, for whatever reason... It's more for physical security reasons than anything else, but it does give me a certain level of comfort that she's fine with me seeing all her online stuff. And it gets my dick hard to log-on and see a rhetorical path that is clearly arching towards a hook-up...

Physical security is not trivial and, in our case, I've made that my responsibility. What that means depends on the guy, the circumstances, etc. For Tinder hookups I usually go to the bar where they're going to meet in advance and settle-in to watch. Again, I get a bit of a thrill from being a voyeur; but more importantly, if she gets up to go pee and he slips a Mickey into her *****, I'm right there to make him ***** it before she returns.

In some other situations, she makes an arrangement with the bartender to keep an eye on her (telling him she's meeting a Tinder date there). And in still other cases, she has a "wing girl" who knows all about our hotwife/stag arrangement (and is jealous as hell) and who is a fierce ally for my wife when she's out.

You've not said whether or not she's telling her date(s) that you are what I call a "knowing loving stag/cuckold." If she ~does~ tell them, that makes everything a little easier. If for whatever reason she doesn't want to tell them, it just makes things a little more complicated.

I'm typing too much. In summation then: Talk to your wife in a non-sexual moment and a non-sexual way about your concerns, and make sure that the boundaries y'all have set are adequate to address those concerns. Plan on having this talk before/after every hook-up for at least a little while. Constantly reaffirm for her that YOU are not having second thoughts about this. That you love her and your marriage and that these hookups are just "ornaments on the tree of your love" as far as you're concerned. Be attentive to her physical safety (she'll probably appreciate that).

Happy to chat more if you like! Good luck!