PROLOGUEHappy Belated Anniversary John!
There's a surprise planned for you today. Not a party, don't worry, an adventure.
Go to your office and look for the envelope in the ****** cabinet.
Have fun!
ONEDear Loser,
Congratulations on finding the ****** cabinet. I usually prefer to ***** from one of the decanters when I'm here, but this time, the last time, my plan is to liberate whatever fine bottle was sitting where you found this letter.
So sit down, pour yourself a *****.
The good stuff.
You'll need it.
First up, I know you, and you know me, but I'm not going to tell you who I am. What I will do, and at great pleasure and length, just like when I did the deed, is tell you that I've been fucking your trophy wife, Yolanda. She's taken my seed and dribbled it out from cunt and ass and mouth, but now we're through and I thought I'd let you know the truth about that great family life you think you've got there.
You see, by any reckoning you've been a friend for a significant amount of time, and I see it as my duty to let you let you know what the situation is, just in case you want to put a stop to things before they get out of hand.
Only joking.
I'm doing this to cause you pain.
TWONow I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of laying out my backstory, or specific grievances, blah, blah, blah, which would only leave a trail of clues. Suffice to say, you're a rich, successful man. You own a lot of businesses, you do a lot of traveling. You know a lot of people and you've stepped on a lot of toes. There are plenty of men you've pissed off who might want to cuckold you just for the lulz. The fact that Yolanda is such a knockout, and bored and frustrated to boot. Well, no wonder I'm not the only guy who's been nailing her.
But you're John Bondurant, your family own half of Newton and maybe I'm not so smart, maybe you'll get my name pretty easily.
In which case, come at me bro'.
I may not have your money or power, but I have sets of photos and videos, private messages, texts, laying out the whole thing, from soup to nuts.
Coming after me would not help your new career.
So pour yourself some of that fine scotch and think about whether you want to burn this message before reading it all.
But if you insist: go to the center of the room, get down and look under the middle of that big ass bearskin rug. You'll find the next part of this letter.
THREEYou found it, great.
That's the game we're playing here – hide and seek.
Like I said, I don't want to give too much away, I'm in hiding too, because the fact is you do know me, and pretty well. I'm someone you see at least once a month, and we're on a first name basis, which seems fair, since I've dropped enough loads on your wife's face to get her mistaken for a half-cooked omelet.
Of course, you're probably thinking this will turn out to be a simple case of blackmail, and I did think about that when I started fucking Yolanda, but then I just did it for the keepsakes, the pictures and videos we made, so that I could look back on this whole episode with some clarity. I mean, one day I'm going to think "no, there's no way I fucked Big John's wife and..."
Yeah, we'll get to that later.
So relax, sit down, have another *****, take your cock out and whack off for all I care, you freaky fuck, because what I'm going to tell you here is all true, and the only reason I'm done with your wife is she dumped me in favor of another guy, who, and I quote, "has a schlong like a lumberjack's forearm."
She has a way with words, doesn't she?
Of course, she has an even better way with dick.
FOURThing is, you probably think you can just ask your wife and get a straight answer.
Like: "Guy wrote a letter says he fucked you – is it true?"
But behind her eyes she'd be all like: "Which one?"
Because there have been quite a lot of them since you two got married three years ago last week.
Yeah, I know the date. You were out of town for the anniversary, but Yolanda still wanted to celebrate, so me and her, plus a third party, as yet unnamed – came to your office here and had a good time.
At the start we made out on this rug, and it felt good. Another solid purchase – just like your wife.
OK – next up, go the bookcase and look in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
(More of Letter to A Rich Cuck
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