Cuckold Diary

15 Oct 2011

I've decided keep a diary of my cuckold experience. There are three reamisters for this diary. First, this experience is rapidly transforming me. Who I am and what I used to be is slipping away. Things that I thought were important are gone. I need a diary to keep track of what I am becoming and who I no longer am. Second, I want to write this and share this so I can have the support of other men who have experienced cuckoldry. It's been emotionally very difficult for me and there is no one to talk to about it. Finally (and this a source of great confusion) my cuckold experiences have been incredibly exciting and I want to remember them all and describe them as they happen.

Today's the day I start the diary. The cuckold experience started June 24th, 2011, when my beautiful girlfriend's precious pussy was first penetrated by her lover's thick cock. My girlfriend is Diva. Her current lover is Jay.

I'm writing this now because my girlfriend's lover has been away for two weeks. Jay is traveling in Asia. He returns in twelve days. I'm dreading his return.

I was looking forward to his time away. It seemed I would get a vacation from being a cuckold. Before he left, when I expressed my unhappiness about being cuckolded Diva would say, "Oh, don't worry, he'll be away for a whole month in October and you'll have me all to yourself." I looked forward to that. It would be nice to enjoy her without constantly wondering when she was going to have sex with him. I was hoping to regain the feeling of being a monogamous couple, just my sweetie and me, without hearing her constant talk of Jay and being reminded that she has another boyfriend.

But after a week of sweet relief, it became clear that any hope of a respite from cuckoldry was not going to happen. In fact, as long as her computer is in the house, Jay is more present than before. She constantly checks for email from him. On waking, she runs to the computer to look. She looks before she goes to bed. Worse, she discovered online chat and before he left, she had me help her set up her chat account and show me how to check when he is online. She always asks me to read her email with him; now she likes to sit in my lap as she flirts and chats dirty with him. Monday night, after her bath when she is ready for bed and usually "too tired" for sex, she stayed up for an hour flirting online with him. I was allowed to watch but not touch or caress her as she chatted online with her lover.

Here's some excerpts.

Diva: Hi baby! Just soaked in bath, getting ready to go to bed. How are you catching up with your relax?
Jay: Yes, finally. Went out in AM, but now back in hotel resting since it is raining! I miss you.
Diva: Nice! I miss you too.
Jay: I see you in all the faces here ;)
Diva: Was craving for you, for you to fill me up. My pussy lips are big today..
Jay: You're *******in' me! I'm hard now. I miss feeling you, being inside you.
Diva: I know! You should bring me along with you!!
Jay: Next time. I think only your pussy can make me come (and my hand LOL);) I bought some scarfs today. Not expensive, but you might like one of them.
Diva: Glad you bring your hands with you. My pussy is missing your hard cock, a lot. Pussy is hot and think. I mean hot and thick.
Jay: I'll take my cock out and say your just barely big enough to fit this. hehehehe
Diva: hahaha

Now I realize there will be no respite or vacation from being a cuckold. Diva and Jay have a relationship that is not fading with distance or time; their relationship is growing and they are already talking about taking a vacation together to Hawaii over Thanksgiving and maybe more travel at Christmas. And of course they are both very excited about getting together to fuck when he returns in ten days. "Like sex after getting out of jail!", he said to her. Often I feel frustrated and angry; sometimes I feel resignation; sometimes a selfless wish for happiness and pleasure for my sweet girlfriend; but it seems I can't feel acceptance. I'm hoping that will change.

As soon as she woke today, she told she was ovulating and eager for sex with me. I had an idea, I said. Show me your emails with Jay, the ones you exchanged over the last few days. Let me read them while experiencing the physical pleasure of sex with you. Perhaps you can condition me so I can better tolerate the emotional distress. Help me prepare for his return in ten days because I know it will be difficult for me. She agreed. She gave me her computer to read the emails. Then she noticed he was online. Late at night in Hong Kong. She was excited! She wanted to check in with him even though it meant we'd have less time for sex before she needed to leave for work. Of course I had to agree. She didn't tell Jay I was there and she was ready to fuck, she just said how much she missed him and looked forward to his return and having him inside her. A quick five minutes online with her lover and then she was ready for me and took me to the bedroom.

She told me she liked the idea of conditioning me to enjoy her affair with Jay. Since her affair with Jay began, she has encouraged me to stay hard and not ejaculate during sex so she can have longer lasting pleasure from me, like she gets from Jay. She calls it "stud training." But today, instead of stud training, she decided I should cum for her. She wanted a few good strokes and then a release of my full load, quickly. I was surprised but I complied. I lubed up with the condom, gave her my cock in her precious pussy, gave her a few vigorous deep strokes and let myself release completely. I felt the exhaustion of a full ejaculation. She wanted to see; I pulled out and she examined the reservoir of the condom. She was impressed with how much cum I had produced. Yes, she said, "That will do. I will drain your balls every day until Jay returns."

Lester, It is refreshing to read another true cuckold experience. So much of what we read is fantasy. My Wife is a mature escort and I have written about her experiences but have gotten little response. My best advice is to accept your situation and do anything you can to assist her...otherwise she will resent you. Accept your role and the offense which goes with it and enjoy it.

Herpleezer, Thank you for the words of advice. I appreciate that someone else can hear my story and help me make sense of my conflicting feelings. I've noticed I have to control my feelings. When I assist her, and support her having her affair, she is sweet and easy to live with. If I show my frustration or anger, she becomes resentful and mean.

I'll be posting more photos of Diva (including some that are more revealing). We took these at the DeYoung Museum in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park. She loves to dress sexy and vamp and pose. She never did modeling for the camera before we met but she enjoys it a lot. Especially if other people are watching her. When we shot these photos, she was enjoying the attention of the tourists walking by, especially if she could get them to stare.

21 October 2011

Six days until Diva's lover returns.

Diva has been very sweet lately. She has been affectionate and enjoying cuddling and gazing in each other's eyes. She hasn't mentioned Jay very often and just had one chat session with him when she was away at work.

We've fucked in the morning on Sunday and again in Tuesday and both times she encouraged me to ejaculate fully and drained my balls of any cum buildup. Today we had a long session in bed together during the middle of the day. It was very sweet and affectionate. We cuddled in bed, I took my time licking her little clit, enjoying the taste while looking up into her eyes. She asked for my cock and after I put on the condom, she lubed me up and gave me a hand job to get my cock hard, slipped it in slowly, and we fucked slowly until she had enough. She encouraged me to ejaculate, I had a deep orgasm and full ejaculation, feeling very tender and affectionate toward her. She was pleased to see how much cum I produced and then she used her Hitachi vibrator to orgasm while I stimulated her nipples. For the next hour or two I basked in the afterglow of the enjoyment of my beautiful partner. But soon I saw her busy at her computer. When she noticed me watching her she showed me she was writing an email to Jay and encouraged me to read it. My heart sank but I tried to keep a smile and be light about it. She noticed my discomfort and asked if I was angry and I pretended everything was okay. As she got ready to leave for work she was laughing nervously and made a point to say several times how much she enjoyed having two boyfriends to serve her. It seems to me that she has some guilt. Or even has a compulsion to try to ruin the nice feelings between us when they arise.

26 October 2011

Two days until Diva's lover returns from his trip to Asia.

Diva decided to go shopping at the mall to buy a new dress for her lover to enjoy. Actually, her lover doesn't really care what she wears as he just likes to get her naked quickly. But she likes to dress up and she likes to tease me when she goes shopping.

For the trip to the mall, she wore her shortest red minidress with a black lace top and black leather boots. No panties or bra. She is now going without panties regularly. "Going commando," her lover calls it.

The melon of her pretty ass was clearly visible as she rode up the escalator. Teenage girls in one of the boutiques were checking out her ass and talking about her (probably about what a slut she is) as she strutted past them.

She stopped at the optometrist because she is convinced the woman manager is bisexual with crush on her. Sure enough, the woman was very attentive and told her she looked beautiful.

We took photos in the boutique dressing room as she chose a dress to wear to greet her lover at the airport.

She didn't mind me taking photos showing how her dress reveals her ass.

Any comments?

26 October 2011

Teasing me in the mall wasn't enough for Diva today. After buying a new dress to wear for her lover, she decided to the model the new dress for me exactly as she plans to wear it when she sees him. She encouraged me to take photos as she tried on the dress in the bedroom.

In one of the photos she shows off the "landing strip" she has groomed for her lover. She's been going bare with a completely shaved pussy for at least a year but I suggested that she might enhance her look with a carefully trimmed patch above her clit. She's groomed it out in the last month so her lover hasn't seen it yet and she's eager for him to see it as a special surprise when he returns from his overseas trip.

She got so excited modeling the new dress she insisted I take her out to dance club so she could "fish" for men. I don't dance so I just sit at the bar and watch her take turns dancing with various guys. She absolutely refuses to wear panties so I'm in agony watching because she always wear a dress that slides up to reveal her ass as she shimmies and spins. Sometimes a dance partner figures it out and purposefully keeps her spinning and in motion so she can't tug down her dress to cover herself. I just have to watch as more and more is revealed. Usually other couples are too busy dancing to notice but lots of men notice who are waiting for a dance partner and they often approach her eagerly when she is ready to change partners.

I've been waiting to see if she will decide to take home a dance partner for sex but so far she likes to just tease.

She is very beautiful....you describe the angst and the excitement very well. It is tough to watch her but, at least, she is not keeping it hidden and to be a part of her pleasure is something.
I wish you well and look forward to more news.

subwm, thank you for your kind thoughts. I appreciate that I am not alone in this.

27 October 2011

Today is the day Diva's lover returns. She is so excited.

It's been a very sweet month with her while he has been gone. Now I'll be enduring her affair again. I'm sure she will talking about him nonstop again. I didn't relax well last night, tossing and turning, thinking about her picking him up at the airport and going to his house. Maybe he will be too tired from his long flight to fuck her.

She was eager for sex this morning (probably because she was thinking about her lover). She dressed up to show me an outfit she was thinking of wearing when she meets him at the airport tonight. She danced a little, and stripped, and let me lick her clit. She had me stimulate her nipples and soon she was moaning and said her pussy was aching and she wanted to fuck. But I hadn't slept well and my cock wasn't very hard. She said it was okay, she would save her tight pussy for her lover.

I asked if I could lick her rosebud (that's what she calls her anal hole) and she let me lick and finger it. I got so excited I ejaculated immediately. I love that her anal hole is still permisteral and private to me exclusively (she says her lover is not interested).

I wished I was able to fuck her pussy, though. It was my last chance before I have to start sharing it with her lover again.

27 October 2011

Well, she's gone. She left for the airport about an hour ago. She will have picked up her lover by now and they will be on the way to his house. Or maybe there already. Here's photos of how she was dressed up for him tonight, as she left the house.

I don't know if they will fuck tonight. He may be tired from his long flight. She didn't take her overnight things so I think she will be back tonight, maybe very late. I never know what to do while she is away with her lover.

Hi, very interesting and well written diary.
How are you doing?
How are things since her bf's return?
Please post an update.