if i had it all to do over...flowers!

The texting began mid-evening on Sunday, Super Bowl night, February 1997. She had been reporting in Miami for the past 4 days, and had been evasive/elusive. I started, typing something like, ?Babe, it?s ok, I know you?re hot and guys love you, I won?t be mad, promise. After all, I encouraged you. So let?s hear about it!?

Within 20 minutes she teased, ?You sure about that?!?!??

I typed, ?YES!? So scared and excited I was trembling?shaking!

Then she wrote, ?been kind of bad?? So it started?and lasted all night.

Well, I sure fucked up! If I had it to do over again I would?ve handled it so differently. I would have been thankful, grateful, and appreciative! I would have set up, like, an incentive program. I would have made it hard for her to not love being treated like a queen every time she fucked around.

As soon as I learned of her escapade over Super Bowl, I should have ordered flowers! Should have surprised her with flowers at work the next morning. Yep. I should have called the flowers in the night before! The minute she told me how bad she?d been that weekend! A big, fat, stinky bouquet waiting on her desk with a card.

?Thank You, Baby!? it should have read. ?You made my dreams come true! You?re the Greatest! Love you!?

The second she admitted it, I should have gone online and ordered her flowers and had them delivered so on Monday a.m. they would be there for everyone to see. They would have been there when we arrived at work (we had cubicles next to each other).

That would have been hot, and embarrassing: a visual reminder of what she did to earn them. Every time she?d see their vivid shoots she?d have to remember that a few hours before she was fucking around. Co-workers would ask her who from? And what were they for?

I had to work with her all day long that Monday.

I?d see them and be constantly reminded of her brazen infidelity. She?d probably smile and point them out to me, and I?d act shy and sweet around her, making her feel anything but jealousy.

Those flowers would symbolize her power and my willingness to bow to it. Each time she admired them, she?d be enjoying her bossy position over me, and when she made me look at them them, or even mentioned them, she?d make me again face her transgression.

Because she would have gone into the office that day thinking I might act weird, or worse, angry. Imagine her surprise to see flowers and my smile.

Then she would have known I was appreciative and understanding. That I was really happy she did what I wanted.

Then I should have gone to greater lengths to show how pleased and proud I was she?d done it. I should have asked her for more ways I could show my true gratitude: explain that I would thank her for thinking of a few more ways I could show thanks!

In fact, I should have said, ?Babe, I?m so glad you were bad. I?d do anything for you, I just want you to know. I came up with a few ways to thank you, starting with the flowers. I would also like to please ask you to dinner tonight, and then give you a *******er back rub afterward, OK?

?But that doesn?t feel like enough, so I?d appreciate it if you could think of a few more ways I can show my appreciation. After all, you?re the one who made such a big sacrifice for me! I can?t thank you enough!!?

That, I?d think, would have piqued interest a bit. Then she would know she?d be getting a minimum of flowers and dinner every time she fucked someone else.

See, right from the beginning, I should have been super-thankful and sweet! Instead of paranoia and jealousy, I should have oozed nothing but niceness: ?Babe, I can?t believe you did that, thanks! Is there something I can do for you? You?re so hot, anything you want.?

I should have also added: ?I know I should thank you for actually doing bad stuff, after how much I encouraged you. But I really need to thank you for telling me everything so soon afterward. I know it wasn?t easy. But thank you so much. There should be a big reward/incentive for you and I just want you to know that.?

I did take her to lunch that day and insisted again it was all fine. ?I knew I?d have to tell you,? she whispered through a guilty smile. I told her it was OK, I was turned on. But now, in retrospect I wish I?d told her that I couldn?t be thankful enough and that she should start choosing a few more inventive ways I could demonstrate my appreciation to her.

(In reality, she wanted to come over that night, but I was still freaked out I said no, I think!)

What a blown opportunity! I didn?t get mad or jealous, but still. I should have admitted that she?d done exactly what I asked her to do, and that she should feel free to enjoy that (while torturing me) as much as she liked.

I should have been like, ?Baby, it?s cool. I want you to know whenever you fuck around, you?ll get nothing but praise, thanks and flowers from me.?

And I should have made this crystal clear: ?Babe, you willingly did this crazy, wild thing that I wanted, something I explicitly asked you flat-out to do. I?m really grateful, and I?ll show that any way you want. If you want to do it again, I won?t exactly be happy, but I will support you any way I can, and of course do anything you ask.?

In hindsight, I should have said she was free to go out again and spend the night somewhere ? while consigning me to stay all night long at her house, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, doing her laundry, and writing additional thank-you notes.

Also, soon after that session, I should have taken another night to specially thank her for fucking around in Miami Beach the previous November. She didn?t tell me about it for a long time, but after I finally told her I wanted her to fuck around, she admitted it.

And I remember that the morning she came back from that fucking/sucking session, she brazenly made me go down on her. Should I have thanked her for that, too?