Apartment 3-B
Ryan parked his Saturn in the space maked 3-B. He struggled a bit to climb to steep stairs that led to his third floor apartment, his stomach knotted in pain and his skin moist with fever sweat. He'd left his job answering phones for a hotel company early, told to leave by his boss before he could spead his illness. The climb to the third landing required great effort; he smiled, equating the effort to climbing Mount Everest. His key glided smoothly into its slot, but the door was already unlocked. Perhaps, he figured, Linda had left work early as well, her job as a CNA meant special care was required in not coming to work sick; in marriage, he reflected, it isn't uncommon at all for the other to become ill. He opened the white painted door with the gaudy brass 3-B on it, and saw his wife's petite red purse on the dining room table that occupied one corner of the living room, next to it were her keys and a small, brown paper grocery bag. The television set was on, and from it some petty drama that was ubiquitous to daytime programming played itself out in its eternal circle of templated strife and resolution.
Ryan reflected on this as he tossed his keys next to his wife's, but a heave of his stomach tore his attention from the mundane reverie. He hastened his way to the back of the apartment, where the porcelin recipient of his stomach's contents waited in deferential silence. Across the green carpet he dragged his feet, staggering in that almost takesen way people do when a cramping stomach threatens imminent expulsion. Near the end of the hall he heard noises coming from either the bedroom of the bathroom, sounds that were distinctly feminine. At first he thought perhaps she too was relieving herself of her last meal, but the bathroom door stood open, and the room unoccupied. Worried that his wife might be sick and in need of him, he called out her name and shuffled towards the bedroom door; the conflict between concern for his wife and the immediate demand of his stomach contorted his gentle features.
"Linda? Honey, are you ok?" he said, trying to mask his physical discomfort.
Ryan heard a sudden flurry of activity come from his bedroom, and turned the corner just in time to see Linda, his wife of eight years, scramble off the top of a man splayed naked and erect on the bed. Ryan only had time to power his eyes away from the glistening tool before Linda, her flushed nakedness now wrapped in their white cotton sheet, gently cajoled and lead him away from the bedroom.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. Come over here, over here and sit down. I'll tell him to go, and then we'll talk, ok?" she said, concern evident in her features.
"I have to go to the bathroom," he managed to croak and cast his eyes down to the forest green carpet.
"Ok, you go to the bathroom and wait there baby," she said, and gave him a gentle push into the bathroom and closed the door tight.
Ryan relieved himself and the cramping of his innards passed, for good, he hoped. From behind the thin wall that separated the bathroom and bedroom, Ryan could hear hurried conversation and acitivities. He heard what he knew to be someone dressing in haste, and the mental anguish of the reality of what was happening twisted his guts like a wet towel being wrung out.
"Tom, I'm sorry, I didn't know he'd be coming home early," he heard his wife explain. "Just go for now, and I'll call you later tonight or tomorrow, ok?" Ryan heard Tom grunt his assent, and a few moments later the door to apartment 3-B opened and closed.
Linda tapped the bathroom door and called through it, "Honey, I'm so sorry, please, when you're done let me explain." She paused a moment and waited for a reply. "Ryan?"
"I heard you, Linda. I'll be out in a second," he replied, his voice fetishd.
Ryan washed himself up and emerged from the bathroom. He found his wife in the bedroom where she was busy straightening the coverlet and putting her CNA scrubs in the hamper. She was dressed now, in a light blue halter top and a flower patterned skirt. She sat on the bed as he entered, and foldered her hands in her lap. She made eye-contact with him, and a small gesture of her hand indicated he should sit next to her. Ryan did as he was bid, unsure how to act. His recent physical distress, coupled with this sudden discovery left him confused and disoriented.
Linda took his face in her slender, warm hands and turned it towards hers. "Baby, I'm very sorry. I love you Ryan, I hope you know that, I want you to know that."
Ryan searched his wife's eyes for some meaning or clue, his head began to shake, slow, as if trying to clear the mind of its waking fog. "Sorry for what? What are you sorry for?" he said, the desperate plea in his voice evident with each syllable.
Linda sighed and dropped her hands into her lap and looked at them for a moment before returning her concerned scrutiny back to him. "I'm sorry you found out this way babe. Believe me, I never wanted to hurt you."
"Never wanted to hurt me?" he asked, incredulous. "How could you possibly think it would do otherwise?"
"Ryan, baby, I love you," she said, taking his hands in hers. "I know you won't understand, and I know it's unfair, but you have to believe me, I never meant to hurt you. And I'm sorry, so very sorry you found out this way." She cocked her head a little to the side as she said this, and placed her hand on his cheek, an affectionate gesture Ryan started to lean into before he caught himself.
"No Linda, dammit, you can't just say sorry and expect everything to be ok. You were cheating on me." At this, his voice rose and anger began to color his cheeks and narrow his eyes. "You cheated on me, for christ's sake Linda, that's all there is to it. Your broke our vows." He made a sharp gesture with his left hand, "On our own goddamn bed even!"
"Ryan, please-" she began.
"No, no 'Ryan please' Linda. You broke the vows you made, you
cheated on me in my own goddamn bed. Say it Linda, at least admit what you did!" Ryan's eyes had grown wide with a mixture of betrayal, offense, and anger. He half stood up as he spoke and leaned over his wife, his gesturing arms spread wide.
Linda's jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed, whatever hurtful thing she had been about to say trapped between her teeth. She rose from her sitting position and gripped his shoulders with her hands; with deliberate power she pushed him back onto the bed which gave a small creak of protest as he landed. "Is that what you want me to say, Ryan?" she said, with heavy emphasis on his name.
"That's right. If you're going to do it, you might as well be..." he paused for a moment in thought, "... woman enough to admit it," he finished with a slight sneer.
"Fine, Ryan," she said, and grabbed underneath his chin and powerd his head up. She tightened her grip when he made as if to jerk his head away, and she felt a small, guilt-tainted eruption of satisfaction wash over her when he winced and submitted to her grip.
"I cheated on you. I broke my vows, I had sex with another man, and I did it in our own bed." She was surprised by the anger and vehemance in her voice, and the volume at which emerged.
"God damn Linda, why don't you say it louder? I don't think the neighbors across the street heard you!" He started to rise, but Linda held him in place by firm grip on shoulder and chin.
"You told me to say it, and I did. If you want me to say it again, I will, but I think we both know that will get us nowhere."
"How many times?" he asked.
"How many times what?"
"How many times have you fucked him?" he sneered the vulgarity.
"Ryan, babe, why are you doing this to yourself? Let's just-"
"I have a fucking right to know!" he interrupted, and tried again in vain to rise.
Linda sighed and rubbed at her eyes and face. "No, you're right, you deserve to know," she said, the anger subdued. "About four or five times, I guess, over the last few months. I am sorry baby, I promise that, I should have told you."
"Should have told me? Did it ever cross your mind that maybe you shouldn't have done it, any one of those times?"
"It did!" she exclaimed, "of course it did baby, but it's just not..." she paused, and contemplated her next words carefully, "it's just now who I am." The hand that had just moments ago gripped his chin tight enough to leave small red finger marks on his face now caressed his cheek. "I am the woman you fell in love with Ryan, I swear I am, and I still fall more in love with you every day." She rejoined him on the bed, close enough that their knees touched, and put her arm around his back.
Ryan expelled a deep breath, and with it left the tension in his shoulders and legs. He leaned into the arm she had placed to support him, but resisted the desire to fall fully into her embrace. He turned to face her and searched her soft features and green eyes. "Have you done this before, hon?" he asked, a whisper heavy with trepidation. Linda nodded in affirmation and her eyes glistened with sudden moisture.
"Once," she said, her voice steady and calm despite the wetness that coursed down her flushed cheeks. "About a year after we were married, when we were living at the Concord Apartments, we had that neighbor upstairs, you know-"
"The one who would go nuts every Sunday during football seamister?" he interrupted, eyebrows high in quiet disbelief. Linda nodded again. "Man," Ryan mused aloud, shaking his head, "that guy was an idiot."
Linda laughed, a low musical sound that spoke at once of humor and emotional exhaustion. "Yeah," she nodded, "yeah, he sure was. You know he blew his pinky off with a bottle rocket the summer before we moved there?"
Ryan allowed himself a small chuckle; a cynical thing, devoid of any real mirth, but free of malice. "No, I didn't know that. Christ," he said and rubbed at his temples, "why him?"
"Ryan, baby," she said, animated, "this is what I'm trying to get you to understand. I love you and only you, my husband. I didn't even like bottle-rocket guy, hell I can't even remember his name. I just think of him as either bottle-rocket guy, or-" she interrupted herself, "well, don't you see what I mean baby? I love you and only you, these things I've done, I promise, I haven't done them because I stopped loving you."
"Do you swear to that, Linda? Look me in the eye and tell me you love me and only me."
Linda stood up from the bed and leaned down towards him. She brought his face up to meet hers with gentle guidance from her hands. "I swear to you Ryan Connor, I love you and only you, and always have."
Ryan looked into his wife's face, and knew, as any husband who knows his wife, that she was telling the truth. "Then why, baby?" he pleaded. "And please, please just be honest with me, that's all I want now."
"Ok, ok baby, I can do that for you." She paused and took a deep breath. "At first, when we were first married, I thought it wouldn't be a problem to have only one partner. You satisfied me in bed, and I was madly in love. But... and it's hard to explain, or maybe it just sounds too simple, but I need variety." She hastened to add, "but only sexually. I mean, I have lots of variety in friends, and in love I want only you, but when it comes to sex..." she shrugged her shoulders, "I am who I am, I guess."
"Does that mean you're not willing to stop? I can forgive you Linda, but what you're saying..." he left the thought unspoken.
"Ryan, I've come to terms with who I am, I've thought about this almost since our wedding day, and I'm not ashamed. I'm proud to be married to you, I enjoy sexual variety, and I like my job; in other words, I'm happy with my life, except the deception and the hurt its caused you. I want you in my life Ryan, as my husband, but I can't change who I am, it would be unfair to us both."
"You want to stay married to me and expect me to be ok with you having sex with other men?"
"Yes." she replied, without hesitation. "Nothing else will change baby, except that I won't be lying to you any longer."
"Does this also mean I'd be free to search for other partners as well?"
She shook her head, but said, "I guess it would only be fair, but I'm not sure if I could handle it. I know it sounds horrible of me Ryan, trust me I know, but you are too precious to me to share. I guess, maybe under the right circumstances I could let you...." she shook her head again, "but, I'm not sure."
Ryan fell into deep reverie as his wife gently stroked his knee, both a nervous and comforting gesture. After some moments had elapsed, he looked up and said, "What would be the rules on this kind of thing? I mean, I-"
"No rules," she interrupted. "I have to be able to do this by my own rules baby, I'm sorry. I do promise I won't do anything intentionally to hurt you. I can promise to never do it in front of you, and I promise to tell you so you don't have to find out the hard way, this way, but I can't put rules on who I am babe."
"How about never in our bed?" he muttered, a half-joke, half-question.
"I can't promise that."
"Friends," Ryan stated. "Never with my friends. You don't have to consider it a rule, but Linda, if you ever want me to be able to live with this, never with my friends."
Linda nodded, but didn't say anything. She sobbed aloud, a happy sound, and embraced him. "I love you, I promise everything will be ok," she whispered in his ear and held him tighter.
Ryan put his arms around her, and though he didn't fully reciprocate the tenacity of her embrace, there was both a reluctant forgiveness and acceptance in it.
Their love-making that night held a desperation that their routine marriage-sex had lacked for years. Though their copulation had been intense and intimate, Ryan held to the far side of the bed nearest him, his back to Linda. She respected the space he seemed to want, and lie on her back near her edge of the bed. Perhaps an hour later, still in the same positions, Ryan tiredly asked, "Linda?"
"Yes, babe?" she replied in relaxily.
"Who is Tom?"
"He's one of the nurses where I work."
"Oh." A few minutes passed before Ryan again broke the silence, "Do you like him?"
"He's ok I guess."
"Are you going to call him tomorrow? I heard you tell him..." he trailed off.
"Yeah, I suppose I am."
"Ok. Goodnight, LInda."
"Goodnight Ryan. I love you."
"I love you too."
Copyright 2007,
[email protected]Part 2 is coming, and yes, part 2 has the sex in it :p
Feedback please!!
I also attached the file that has proper formatting.
