Almost there... Not now, I now have a Hotwife

Ive been a member on here for years now and had resigned myself to just hearing about others who are in the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle.
Then (Friday just gone) me and my wife watched a program about sex parties and out of the blue said she wouldnt mind going to one!! After a bit of chat she asked if we had a threesome would I want MMF or MFF, I instantly said MMF because I would love to watch her getting fucked. She handled it amazingly and wasnt shocked or disgusted by what I had said. She went to bed and I stayed up to let her think about what had been said.
The next morning (Saturday) she asked all sorts of questions about when/how/who this could all happen. We were both turned on by this and I was very surprised as she brought it up and it wasnt during any kind of sex. Saturday we had amazing sex with loads of dirty talk about another man fucking her.
Sunday came and there was plenty more talk about how we could make it happen. Mind blowing sex again on Sunday with the same dirty talk.
This morning she told me she has been thinking about how she might approach someone.
It seems that she is totally into it as I dont ever have to bring it up, she does that herself.

My question is how do we go about finding someone? Ive had a look on Craigslist but there has to be more places to look than just that. We/She could just go out to some bars and see what happens but it would be better, I think, if we knew who we were getting together with first.

Hope you guys and girls can help.

hero69 You're off to a great start, because you're already over the biggest hurdle which is getting her to consider it! Proceeding from here is much easier. You have a great chance to move forward pretty quickly since she's already thinking about it.

The really cool part is that, if you handle it right, the two of you are about to become very close as a couple. She'll love that. Women LOVE to feel closer to their husband, so use this to make your relationship closer AND to explore some really hot times together. Go at her pace... don't push her... and most importantly follow her lead. If SHE suggested she wouldn't mind attending a sex party then GO to one!

Most of those parties are NO pressure. Don't be disappointed if she just watches the first time. That's cool... you'll still fuck like rabbits when you get home. But she may play, too. If she does, let HER pick the person, or people. Let her be in charge of whether anything happens. NO PUSHING! You want her to come home with a positive experience and something to further fuel her imagination.

If you choose instead to go the MFM route, be very selective. The first experience sets the tone. If it's good, you're in. If it sucks it will set her back. Find a quality guy. That means plenty of online chat before you meet, to qualify him, feel out his wants/needs, find out his experience with couples, etc. She needs to be attracted to him, too. Don't push her to fuck some borderline guy. You want her to be hot and panting for him, if possible. That way when it's over she will want a repeat...

Craigslist is free, and therefore low quality. Try a site like AdultFriendFinder or SwingLifeStyle. We've had much better luck with those. Good luck... and let us know if you move forward!
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

Thanks so much for your great response PalmCoast. I am going to let her control the pace completely. She does bring it up more than me. Shes at a fitness session now for the first time since it all came out so I'm wondering what's going through her head as it will probably be totally different to the last time she went last week!!

I'm going to have a look at the other sites you mentioned. We are based in UK so will see what's what for where we are.

Thanks again.

hero69 The fact that she's back at a fitness facility is another great sign. It sounds like she's serious about pursuing the fantasy, and women get VERY conscious of their appearance when they start thinking about being intimate with others. My wife lost a few pounds once she decided to go for it... and it did wonders for her self esteem, and made her very confident when dealing with other men.

Keep talking to each other... be open and honest... and try not to criticize or judge each other for your preferences. Your desires and hers may not be exactly the same, and they can also grow in slightly different directions over time. So be prepared to compromise. Also, be patient... nudge her along, but be careful not to push. If you actually get to the "first encounter" you're in for a real treat. The emotions don't get any stronger, and it can be very addictive.
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

I echo SheDatesHeWaits's recommendations. I would even suggest that if using either of his recommended site you cam with a possible fucker a few times first. That always relaxed my wife, that way when they met in person there was already some familiarity. You may also consider letting her go fuck him solo the first couple times if she seems hesitant when the time comes for an actual meet. All women are different and only you can judge what approach is best for your situation. As stated before let her take the lead but give her constant encouragement.

Cheers for your support guys.

Being honest, Im very nervous now that it could happen. I was loving the idea before and now she seems up for it Im really not sure how Ill feel. Shes been shopping this morning (just for the house) and now shes looking at men in a completely different light I feel a bit jealous.

Ive read that these are normal feelings but I assumed the guys saying it were just being soft! Obviously not now.

How did you guys feel on the build up to the first time?

hero69 Buddy, it's only JUST beginning. I'm sure you've read about "Cuckold angst"... now you're beginning to experience it, and it's very different than most guys expect. Reading about it is one thing... living it is another!

You will feel jealousy as the time draws nearer. You will experience the fear that comes from loss of control... after all, once she and "he" are alone your opinion becomes irrelevant. If your relationship has ANY cracks or weaknesses, this will expose them. If you have insecurities, this will reveal them.

How do you deal with it? Hmmmmmmm. Here's an analogy that worked for me. Imagine you're flying an airplane and you begin to stall. You immediately want to fight it... pulling back on the yoke to regain the altitude you're losing. But that's the worst thing to do. It slows the plane and you lose more altitude. What you must do instead is push the yoke forward... dive the plane to gain speed and end the stall. In other words, go with it. Don't fight it.

Jealousy comes from a sense of possession. We think we own our wives. We don't. They choose to share their lives with us. They're not on a chain and she's not your possession. Give her the freedom to grow as a human being, including letting her explore her sexuality. Yeah, it's scary. But if you're a solid couple then you'll share together in everything that she will be doing. She'll love you more and will appreciate you giving her that freedom, and you'll have some of the most intense sexual experiences you've ever known.

Oh yeah... and while she's gone, find a good ball game on TV to keep your mind semi-occupied. LOL

Here's something I found helpful: The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

hero69

We have this programme recorded to watch together at some point. Interesting to read your updates now, as my lady is already wanting another guy, perhaps it will help her on her way?

Well done - you're right on the brink of a big adventure, just don't push too hard. two of the best guys on this site have given you invaluable advice, for fuck's sake listen to it! As for how you'll feel in the build up to that first time, quite apart from anything else you'll have the m*ther of all hard-ons just by the idea of it all.
Keep us all in the loop, we're with you, enjoying it almost as much!

You will have a hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach until she returns then it will be like Christmas morning as a *****. Endure to enjoy!

Thanks for taking the time to post guys its really appreciated.

Ive not pushed or mentioned it at all but last night she returned from a 2hr fitness session about 10 mins later than she normally does, so I asked with a cheeky smile what she'd been up to. She replied "Just been asking ...... if he'd like a threesome!!!". Then said straight after that she was just kidding. Im sure she was just joking because this guy REALLY isnt her type, but, what it does show is that its still very much at the front of her mind.

Every time she even starts to mention anything I get an instant hard-on, but still have a nagging fear in my gut!
I think its as PalmCoast put, its from the 'loss of control'. Still, I get massively turned on so will just have to see what, if anything, happens and try to enjoy it.

We are going out shopping tonight and Im sure the content of our conversations will be different...

Cant wait

hero69 Her "threeway" comment is telling. She's feeling flirty... throwing out some "half-joking" comments, etc. She's basically putting her toes in the water, playing with the idea. Encourage it... let her know that you love it as much as she does. That way she'll be more likely to go further each time, and she'll also want to share her excitement with you if she knows you're digging it too. It will bring you closer.

Just remember though, if she keeps flirting then at some point something will happen. Prepare yourself mentally for that. Most couples begin their Cuckold journey with threesomes (we did). Then it evolves over time (months or years) to her playing one-on-one while you watch... and finally ending up with her having complete autonomy to date men on her own. Done correctly it's an enjoyable journey!
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

Each method has risks. Meeting someone off of AFF, SLS or another adult forum helps you pre-qualify them, making sure you're looking for the same things, and that he's well-hung enough for your wife. The biggest risk is that you invest time online getting to know each other, then you meet in person and discover there is no personal chemistry.

On the other hand, your wife can meet someone in person, at a bar, etc., and have great chemistry. But the risk is that he freaks out once he finds out your wife is married and into the Hotwife-cuck scene, or that she gets into bed with him only to realize that he's hung like a field mouse...
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

Not much of an update. All went a bit quiet for over a week. She didnt mention anything, and I've seen on here that I definitely shouldn't push, so I havent mentioned anything either.

Anyway, last night I got asked the question that I'm sure everyone on here has been asked. She told me she had been reading Literotica and seen that one story had been about a guy wanting his wife to ***** with someone just so he could ***** with a different woman. She asked why shes allowed to ***** around and I remain faithful.
I told her it was very hard to explain and that her pleasure means more to me than anything.

Are there any websites/stories/references that you guys know about that I can send her to read to explain things better?

hero69 There are TONS of cuck websites, but beware. Many have been hijacked, with the emphasis on domination and humility/nation and bisexuality. Some are actually gay sites disguised as Cuck sites. If your wife lands on those she will recoil in horror, thinking that Cuckolds wear lingerie and sit in a cage eating monkey crap, sucking off black dudes who piss on them before smashing their testicles with a hammer.

I would suggest screening your sources to find those that most closely match what you're into. Here are a few to get you started...

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

Here's a popular blog by a real Hotwife, with a lot of female perspectives on the lifestyle. I actually know this woman... she's got it together.

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

There's also a book called Sperm Wars by Robin Baker that has a lot of insight. Basically her thesis is that men are biologically driven to compete, right down to the sperm level. If a man knows or suspects that his wife has been unfaithful, then he responds with arousal and wants to mate with her too, so that his sperm also has a chance to impregnate her. That's one reason why Cucks get so turned on by other men being with their wife. Somewhere on the web there's a good summary of the book, but I couldn't find it.
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

I dont really want to post about nothing but just thought I'd give a little update on things as a few of you guys have been kind enough to give me some advice.

Nothing has been mentioned really this last week except a couple of times I've tried to steer the conversation around to her taking another guy, but she shut it down straight away saying that I'm all she needs or wants!

I did look on those links that PalmCoast posted in his reply, and I accidentally left the CuckoldMarriage tab open which she saw and looked at, then she asked me if I wanted a cuckold marriage. I didnt know what to say when put on the spot in the middle of the day, so I just changed the subject hoping that I would just leave her to think about what she had seen and maybe read it a bit more in her own time.

Hopefully she will bring it up again when the mood is more sexy and I can be more honest with her.

It is startling to be put on the spot like that. You don't know where she is coming from. Is she seriously wanting to take it a step closer to happening and looking for reassurance from you that it is what you want or is she about to condemn you for bringing up the idea and starting an argument. I would down play the cuckold marriage angle but tell her that you have always fantasized about sharing her with another. See saying that you want to share her doesn't imply that it will be a threesome or that you would be there when it happens. Some wives like to have their alone time with their newest conquest.

To help her along you should do a little roll playing with her at the earliest. The next time you two are making love use a dildo on her telling her it is another guy. Get her to give you a name for "it". For instance if she has an interest in a guy named Tom then call the dildo Tom. The whole time you are using the dildo on her talk to her as if the dildo is really a person named Tom. Then and this is most important, after you fuck her pretend that it was Tom who just fucked her and dropped a load in her. Say things like: Did Tom fuck you good, did he get you off, do you like the way Tom fucked you, let me see how well Tom gaped you open, spread your legs I want to see Tom's cum draining from my little Hotwife's pussy, Honey I'm going to clean his cum from your naughty married cunt. Then bring her to another climax with your oral administrations. Yes I know that after you but in her your desire to eat her pussy will be reduced but you must do this. It will help her to accept the fact that you want it to happen. Then as you fall into ******* with her in your arms whisper in her ear that you really would like to share her sometime soon.

This is a fantastic thread with some really excellent feed back for all concerned, and others like myself.

Will continue to follow with lots of interest.

Thank you guys

This last hour has just done a MASSIVE u-turn.

We've just been texting back and forth, heres whats just gone on.

Background, I saw some texts on her phone from a guy, then she deleted them. I logged into our mobile phone bill to see that she had text him over 200 times in December and same amount in November so I pulled her on it. This is what we have just been sending...

Me: Its the secrecy thats bothered me, its like you are hiding something! When things are in the open and we both are involved then its a different matter. x

Her: So if I said right I'm going ******** with him tonight you'd be fine with that?xx

Me: Wow, thats a question!! Is that the sort of thing youve been texting?? x

Her: Maybe a stupid innuendo like "go hard or go home" but nothing like "oh yeah I'd love to fuck you". How did me asking you the question make you feel? xx

Me: It made my heart jump to my throat. xx The thought of seeing you with someone else is a MASSIVE turn on for me though. After speaking about it for a couple of weeks is it something you would consider? x

Her: With a random? xx What if there was no way back? I would rather not do it than lose you!!! xx

Me: Thats the whole point, we both have to agree so if it makes you unsure then its a no go. Because our love is strong enough and we both agreed then neither is to blame and we would put it behind us. xx

Her: If it was a random I'd feel a bit dirty (depending on circumstance), if it was someone we knew it could make it weird if/when we saw them, or make you jealous. xx

Me: You wouldnt believe how hard I am texting like this xx

Her: You're a proper deviant!!! xx

There are other inbetween but these are the main ones, I think a corner may have been turned.

What do you guys think??

I guess I should've added the part about closing the tabs and deleting your browsing history. LOL.

But actually this could work out for the better. The cat is out of the bag, which is a necessary first step anyway.

Your idea is a good one. Now that she's seen the Cuckold Marriage site give her time to adjust to the idea. Hopefully she will browse the site on her own, which would be great. Everyone absorbs this stuff at a different rate. Let her do it at her own speed. At some point she will most likely bring up the subject again, asking if that's what you want. How you react is critical. Don't avoid the subject again, but don't come on too strong either.

Tell her that it intrigues you, and there are some aspects about it that you find arousing... but be a little coy. Let her know that she's struck a nerve. Create the impression that you're somewhat reluctant to open up. If you play it right then she'll believe she's pulling the information from you. That will be much more effective than blasting her with both barrels with too much information at once (this IS a big change). Make her think you're interested... but have reservations. It turns you on, but you're not sure why. You might like it, but you don't know if she would like it.

Perhaps even throw one little hook her way... ask her if there was anything she read that interested her. If she thinks you're embarrassed about it she may try to put you at ease by admitting if she was interested in any part of it. If she does that, then take that common interest and slowly begin to build from that. She won't become a Hotwife overnight. But getting those communication lines open and starting to ease into the discussions will get things started.
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

Oh hell... ignore what I just posted! You're definitely past that now. It's out in the open, and she's bluntly asking you questions about fucking someone. More importantly she's NOT rejecting the idea. If you handle things right this could definitely go your way.

You two need to start those honest chats. Let her know that the "secret texts" makes you uncomfortable, but don't be confrontational about it or turn it into a fight. Remind her how important trust and honesty are to you and your marriage.

If she texted a guy 200 times a month there is some level of interest there. Maybe it has sexual potential but she didn't move forward because she didn't want to cheat (?). Finding the right guy for that first Hotwife encounter can be a challenge. Your wife already has her eye on the guy.

You have a golden opportunity to make this happen. Talk things over with her, open up to each other about your desires and concerns. Let her know that you might like want her to move forward with that guy, as long as everything was out in the open, and you did it together. Be sure that the conversation is fun and upbeat... highlight the positives and the excitement of it all. Don't argue about any differences (Hint: go with what SHE wants for now). If you do that, there's a good chance she'll agree to think about it.
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

We'll since you now know that she is at least interested in this fellow and now she knows you know she is interested in this fellow it only seems logical to me that you should fan the flames a little. I assume you know his name and suggest that you start incorporating it into your love making and roll playing.

Because you now know that she has someone she probably is going to fuck if she isn't already fucking him you need to chose a path that will set things straight. You did good by telling her that you don't want her sneaking around any more. Tell her that you want them to at least meet for coffee. Then to prove that you are serious have her start a text conversation with him in front of you. Tell her to set up a time and place to meet him. If she is still reluctant because she thinks you aren't serious take her phone and type out an invite let her read it then hit send.

Just be prepared for the most tremulous erotic and rewarding wait of your life. You will be consumed with images of them doing all sorts of things. You will become extreamily jealous, embarrassed and horny all at the same time. Your dick will be stone hard while you will be fighting back the urge to vomit. You'll be so eager for her to return but want her to stay longer. You'll be hoping she got royally fucked and praying she only flirted and nothing more.

When she returns home meet her at the door and kiss her making her feel comfortable with what she had done. Ask her questions but don't interiogate her. Most importantly make love to her and reassure her it was your fantasy and you love her for being willing to help you realize it. Tell her that you can't wait till the next time.

Bit of an update for all who are interested.

Been having some great sex and we have both been talking very dirty about someone joining in. She even referred to the guy she had been texting asking would I like it if he were there with us. This was just general dirty talk. A few nights later we were getting deeper into the fantasy and even more came out from her about how she had been giving the whole thing a lot of thought and that the first time she did anything she would like to be alone with whoever it was as she would feel more comfortable that way. I was amazed that she had thought so much about it and that she had even been working things out in her head as to how to go about it to get the maximum pleasure from the whole experience.

Its her time of the month right now so we were texting last night while she was in bed and I was downstairs, heres a few exchanges:

Me: You got any little secrets/desires you want to share right now??? xx

Her: You know my secrets. Just reading a bit of literotica pretty upset I can't fuck your brains out for a bit ️xx

Me: Im pretty fucking upset too! Whats the story about? x

Her: A wife fucking another man whilst the husband watches ️xx

Me: I was massively turned on the other night when you were going into details for when we do that. You have given it lots of thought which is fucking hot to think of xx

Her: I've thought about it because it was brought up. I wouldn't know how I felt about it if I didn't give it any thought. I only know what it'd take for me to feel comfortable before you were involved. xx

Me: Im so glad I wasnt too embarrassed to tell you about my fantasy. You make me feel safe xxx

Her: I wouldn't have been able to be so honest when you asked me questions if you didn't make me feel safe. Tell me your fantasy again? xx

Me: I want you to have the ultimate amount of pleasure and to get that I think you should be able to fuck other men, especially men with bigger cocks than Ive got. I want to watch your face as you come on a big cock. Because hes not married to you he would be able to do ANYTHING he wants to you. I want him to come deep inside you and then you bring your messy pussy home for me to clean and worship you, then Id fuck you to claim you back xx

Her: Oh wow I love the last sentence. Although you'd never need to claim me back as I am yours, but I like the sound of that. What about your pleasure? Would you like to fuck another woman? xx

Me: NO I only want you xx

Her: Honestly? Why am I allowed but not you? Am I allowed to find someone on Sat night when Im out with the girls? xx

Me: Because you are too important. I want you to have whatever you want, my pleasure comes from knowing you are getting pleasure. x Now youve brought up Saturday night, the answer is YES if you find someone that takes your fancy. I was going to be texting you all night reminding you of what you have said and encouraging you to start looking like you probably wouldnt have done before xx

After this I sent her a few Tumblr captions I had found, which Ill try to attach but I havent done any pics before!!

Me: Would you want to find someone on Sat? x

Her: Not sure, I think I'd like to but Im picky and quite shy about my body. I'm not sure how I'd go about it. xx

Me: Just repeat that last one, you think you would like to what? xx

Her: I think I'd like to do something with someone else. xx

Me: Do what? Go into detail xx

At this point I was rock hard and couldnt take any more so I went upstairs so she could tell me what she would do. She was playing with my cock and telling me about the guy she would meet and how he'd take her to his house and play with and lick her pussy and she would suck his big cock then he'd fuck her. She went into great detail and I ended up cumming massively. She then said how proud of herself she was that she had made me cum like that as she never has before.

Just thought Id let you all know whats been going on and any feedback or comments would be greatly received.

Wow, that is exciting as hell! Great thing going on here, thank you for sharing this, and please keep the updates coming

Fantastic stuff. You are at a very similar point to me and my lady.

hero69
Thanks for sharing you story. I plan on following along and commenting where I think I may be of some assistance.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your comments and time to read my progress.

bursting - Ive read through your thread and seems like you had loads of ups and downs. When my wife told me she would like to meet someone on Sat night I just pressumed it would be nice and simple. Spot a guy she likes, meet him, dance with him then fuck him. But maybe Im just a bit optimistic after reading about the delays that can/do happen.

Id post on other peoples threads too, like PalmCoast's but I dont want to sound patronising seeing as my journey has only really just begun...

I/we have found ups and downs.

Partly as we find our way and our own feet really, but mainly through to others.

Thanks for reading my thread, and for the feedback. If you'd like to chat at any time then please PM me, would be good to compare and swap advice etc with someone at a similar point.

hero69 Buddy... you are handling it PERFECTLY! Anyone who wants to know how to pull their wife into this should use your thread as a blueprint.

You confided in your wife and told her a deep secret. You told her she makes you feel safe. Women love to share and feel close like that. You dropped the Hotwife idea, and then you didn't push. Instead, you let her start thinking about it, which then grew into reading Literotica. She's absorbing things at her pace. You're nudging things forward now, and stirring in more details as you move it closer to reality. The caps you sent were perfect, because they highlight the benefits to her as a Hotwife.

Now she's beginning to think about "the guy", and who he might be. Remember, the first step outside her marriage is a huge step for a woman. Once done, she knows she can't undo it. So she'll want to find the guy who is just right. You may have a couple of false starts. But be patient... if she backs out, be loving and supportive. Let her wait until she finds Mr. Right. That first encounter is so important. If it's bad, it could be game over. If it's great then it could be the first of many. Great job!!!
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker

PalmCoast - Sound advice, as always. You paying attention hero69?