Men are strange

Background
Jewel and I have been in the hotwife lifestyle for over 10 years. We use the term hotwife rather than cuckold because we have an equal relationship. Neither of us is dominant. We both enjoy her fucking other men - I am free to pursue other women but usually prefer the thrill of her encounters. While we have tried most variations of hotwifing, what we enjoy the most is her dating and me waiting. So to be clear on that - she has sex with others, then comes home to me & we have sex. There are never threesomes or any kind of sexual contact between her lovers and me. If they are OK with meeting me socially I'm cool with that - if not... I'm also cool with it.

The situation
She is about to explore a new relationship - she may have a date as early as Sunday(tomorrow) - and I am struggling yet again with the question of what she should tell the bull. (btw I hate that term - we use boyfriend or just friend) She has been honest with past encounters and many times guys who were good prospects backed off and ran away as soon as she told them I was/would be aware of the relationship. These are the same guys hitting on her knowing she is married and presumably would fuck her silly in a cheating situation.

The question(s)
Anybody want to tackle the psychology of the above situation? Why are men willing to cheat but not take what a hotwife is offering? Any suggestions as to what to tell this new guy? I'm leaning towards the "My husband pays no attention to me and I'm lonely" story. Jewel is fundamentally honest & probably wouldn't like doing that, but she is really interested in this guy so she might fib a little. As I said above, I don't get involved with her relationships at all so he would never know.

All input appreciated
Jim

Perhaps it is the absence of the conquest over another mans woman or just over the other man. When she has tacit approval or permission then it takes away the excitement of the conquest... as an example, who would want to win a car race if the other guys in the race just let you win, there is no fun in being "allowed" to win and much more fun if you have to fight all the way to win the "prize".

Just a thought

popeye

I had the same experience and believe we should not label these men Bull's, they are just living in their limited world and have most likely never heard of the cuckold fetish - typically not very adventurous men, but they can still be decent lovers.....
We are very wrong to think that cuckolding is as well understood outside those that do or want to practice it - case in point, on craigslist, there are about 10 times as many ads of guys who 'want to fuck your wife and let you watch', but very few that use the word cuckolding.

Jim,

First of all, it's always a pleasure hearing from you and your sexy wife's style of play.


I think Popeye hit it on the money with why some guys are the way we are.

Reminds me of when I was a kid and would sneak a cookie from the jar with out Mom catching me.
That cookie always tasted better than the one she would hand to me.
Cuck who loves a creampie.

We have experienced this same problem. It is really very frustrating. My own speculation is that it changes their view of my wife and intimidates them. They think they are the bold one, cheating with a married woman. When they find out that she isn't cheating, but is free despite being married three things seem to me to happen: (1) she appears to them a more sexually powerful and assertive figure, (2) what had seemed a striaghtforward situation suddenly is complex and kinky, (3) they no longer appear to themselves the central actor and master of the situation, but secondary players in a game where their rivals have obscure and confusing agendas. In my experience, all of these three things are intimidating to men and often provoke a flight reflex.

It often feels to me like they are like kids sneaking into an old house. They are all cocky and filled with bravado, but when there is a noise, they take fright and run like hell driven by their imaginations more than the acutal situation.

I've come around to the view that men are not so much strange, as they are easily spooked; that all men are frankly frightened by sex and women. They learn coping mechanisms that for most involve being in the driver's seat in some sense and get flustered when they get a sudden indication that they aren't. We cuckold fetihists like to pretend that the other man is a powerful guy driving things, but the truth is that the woman is the one who is choosing, who is breaking the biggest taboos, who is in control in the sense that they get to keep us without paying the convention price of monogamy. We like to think of the other man as a dominant predator ("a bull") but in fact we are the ones who have the marital commitment and the closed pair-bond intimacy, trust, and confidence that comes with it. (So much so that we cna play a kinky game with it!) The truth about cckolding is that "bulls" are (in 99% of cases) merely the boytoy that both the wife and the cuck use to fullfill their sexual caprices. For many men either the reality of that, or the shock of realizing it (or both) is a major turn-off because it throws cold water on their own sexual permistera as the potent seducer. They suddenly fel used and manipulated and that makes them feel without power or control. Something us cucks often find exciting but many men do not.

Anyway, that is what I've decided based on the many, many frustrating experiences we've had with this problem.

BTW: The way we came to handle it is that my wife doesn't feel like she has to explain anything upfront unless and untill he asks. Some men ask on the first date, but some don't until they've gone out a few times. The problem with this approach has been the rejection she feels when she's sene him a few times and it is going well and she tells him and he then backs-off. It is unfortunate because it leaves her feeling criticized and seen as weird, but she finds that 19 out of 20 guys who explicitly want to date a married woman and are into the "bull" thing have permisterailities that do not appeal to her. It has become easier for her since we've become more public aout our relationship, but there was obviously some big cost to that for her too.

Good luck to you and your wife in your own search!
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

Even if it makes it hard to find a perfect partner, I would recommend full disclosure and honesty from the outset. First, I don't like people who lie and cheat, so why would I want to be involved, directly or indirectly, in a sexual relationship with someone who thinks they are part of an illicit affair. Second, if you conceal the real situation you are much more likely to end up with a guy who believes he's building up his own primary relationship with your wife.
darslangly

It's really pretty simple. Man meets a woman and hears her story and discovers that she hadn't been oiled in a while. She indicates a desire to hide your pickle somewhere in her permister. The guy will consider his options and maybe decide that he wants to get lucky. He can play it by ear from there.

NOW he finds that there is a monkey in the mix. He aint doing cuckolds brownie on his own here. He realizes that he is being baited and played by a married couple. WTF? He's gone!

Guys change pretty quick. Everybody who believes they have friends see the dynamics move quickly when they ask for a thousand dollar loan, borrow their car or chainsaw.

Yet here is a hubby offering all that and more when he tries to push another man into bed with his wife! WTF?

A couple of bromides like "No such thing as a free lunch" or "If it seems too good to be true, it is" come speedily to mind. Let the guy know as soon as it looks like things may escalate so he can decide for himself beforehand whether he even needs this cuckolds brownie.
..............PSEUDO PERSON...YMMV!

OK - Thanks to everyone for the thoughts on why the bull runs... Some/all are probably correct depending on the guy.

For those waiting with bated breath, the date didn't happen tonight She went to her regular sports practice because she didn't hear from him - which she expected. It was an informal invite & he was away for the weekend but "might get back in town." She is texting with him now. Hopefully she will go out with him some night later this week. Hmmm - wife in bed in sexy nightgown texting with potential boyfriend while hubby is in the dining room surfing the net... Almost sounds like cuckolding... lmao

We have already gotten some mileage out of her plans... I took her to supper Friday night and we went date shopping afterwards. She picked out several new pairs of sexy panties and a ***knockout*** dress. She already had sexy shoes. We went out to a bar after that and she was appropriately ogled. LOL I would have loved for her to play, but the band were friends of ours and not aware of our lifestyle.

Afterwards we stopped at the sex shop and bought me a vibrating cock ring which we both enjoy, and I was going to get her some condoms but she told me she had a couple in her purse already... she showed me & they were not a brand I've ever bought. I wasn't aware of those, she must have bought them on a previous girls night out. It was a real turn-on for me to know my wife had bought condoms. I was fixed 20 years ago so -we- have never needed them. If she bought them she must have had some serious hopes lol.

For those wondering, she has some girlfriends she partys with. Most of them cheat regularly on their husbands/bf's & assume she is the same. They are not aware that I'm getting text reports when she's out. Who's hitting on her, whether or not she's interested, etc, etc... Occasionally I get one like... "catching a cab with bill to his place - are you ok with that?" or "in bathroom at the hilton - about to get fucked"

Assuming the date happens, she has what she needs...

I will write & keep the board updated on the dating game. If I can sneak a pic of Jewel in her dress I will post it.

Jim

Many men dream about a totally wild sexual woman
When faced with the reality their penis shrinks at the thought of trying to satisfy such a woman.

When given a chance to cheat with a woman who is not satisfied with her husband. OK my dick will be better.
When given a chance to have sex with a really hot experienced woman. The penis reveals its true size as it is now competing with bigger and better.

This is why men want a virgin they are not MAN enough to compete physically, size or emotionally.
It is also what drives Jealousy. They just can not emotionally compete or accept she keeps coming back to him.

Any woman of legal age with sound mind and body is fully capable of being "a totally wild sexual woman". The man's job is to understand her enough that she can feel free to sexually express herself. MY penis shrinks at the thought of me burying it in skank.


Do I correctly infer that you would interfere in a marriage by preying on a wifes insecurities if you got the chance? Yet when confronted with a woman who has her cuckolds brownie together and stands on her own two feet; your dick wimps out?


What man wants a virgin? You ever actually had one? So I guess that men that desire virgins (for other than religious reamisters) do because they feel inferior to other men? So they seek a woman that maybe will allow the wool to be pulled over her eyes?

One the easiest things to do is fuck another mans wife. Every husband has enough faults that another man could exploit for an adulterous romp on wifey. Jealousy is the good fence that makes good neighbors. It is a solid fence that keeps others from taking advantage of marital shortcomings. A marriage where spouses are not jealous for each other is not a marriage at all.
..............PSEUDO PERSON...YMMV!

"Jealousy is the good fence that makes good neighbors. It is a solid fence that keeps others from taking advantage of marital shortcomings. A marriage where spouses are not jealous for each other is not a marriage at all."

Well said!

I think your wife should just go up to the guy in question and say, "Hey, if you wanna fuck me, you can. I have something to tell ya and if that's ok with you, then let's fuck!"

-- I doubt she'll have many problems

If you want your woman to get fucked by as many men as she's turned on by, stay within the societal norms of behavior. In other words, give her permission to be a cheating wife that's keeping it secret from you or announce to the world that you're going through a separation. Then it will be acceptable for her to date publicly, and you can be humiliated publicly. You can maintain your great relationship in secret. These days, even divorced couples live in the same house many times.

Hello all,

Again thanks for all the interesting opinions... There are two I don't agree with - or even see the logic. The comment from Mulberry1313 about jealousy: My response is that I have always considered jealousy a human weakness borne of lack of self-esteem. We play the way we do because we enjoy it that way. I have no concerns of Jewel running off with another. I give her everything she needs, including the freedom to explore sexually (or to not explore if she wishes).

Secondly to Erotica88: She has tried that approach in the past and the men have run... That was the reamister I posted the question in the first place.

Jewel was texting with her new interest over the weekend. He is skittish - wanted to know if I was aware she was texting... She told him yes but dodged other questions. The next day he wanted to know what my number was because he had a call thru the night and thought it might be jealous me. She assured him it wasn't my number and that it would not happen.

She has decided to play the lonely housewife who just needs some attention. We live in an industry town where everybody works too much and strange shifts so it will be easy to pull off meetings when he thinks hubby is busy Also not quite a fib as I definitely pay more attention to her when she has a BF - LOL

Hopefully they will meet this week!

Jim

Just spotted another - manray - we are not into the offense aspect of cuckolding and have no desire to be public with our sex lives at all.

Jewel dates others because she enjoys the romancing, the fun of a new relationship, the naughtiness of relaxing around, etc... I am not wimpy, my cock is average size, and I have slept with dozens of women with no complaints. We have a normal, healthy sex life that hotwifing(see above) adds to.

Jim

Was just told - casual date for tomorrow night!!!

Just meeting for a take, but that's where it starts

Jewel is OUT on her date - She asked me to drop her off so she could have a couple of takes... No texts yet but it's only been an hour & half...

Couple of quick pics

Sorry for the face blocking - has to be done. She decided to keep this date casual so not the incredible dress I bought her a couple of weeks ago... I made one request of her. If anything happens, don't clean up.

And now the waiting game

Jim

Putting on her makeup - will it be smudged when she gets home?

Leaving our home for a date with another man :-)

text at 10:30 - OMG I have unleashed a monster

I was sitting with the phone in my hand replied immedialy ???

45 minutes - no response....

What did her text say? Did she come home all loose and sloppy?
Cuck who loves a creampie.

Her text at 10:30 - OMG I have unleashed a monster

They started making out & got interrupted :-/ Not an ideal situation, but the sexual tension between them is super-high and they ***will*** be seeing each other again. Hopefully he will now have the foresight to arrange some privacy.

I picked her up at midnight and she was as horny and frustrated as I was. Not loose & sloppy but incredible sex anyway

Jim

Update - their date is set for Friday night

He has a hotel room booked so I'm hoping all will go well. They have been teasing each other by text & email & from what I've seen they are both screaming with sexual tension. I'm hoping she will come home before she goes out so I can watch/help her get ready, but she has said she may go straight from work. She will have her car if she goes from work so will probably need a ride - I much prefer picking her up fresh from a date.

Yes arthurarthur - it has been over a year since she played so very nice to be back

Jim