My Desires and Struggles - Normal or Abnormal?

I just wanted to share my situation and get any feedback I could on it.

I've been married for 5 years, my wife and I are both attractive people, in life I come of as very alpha male. I've had cuckold fantasies since I was a very young boy, I seem to remember having them ever since I was interested in sex, and of course the internet helped to foster those feelings. However, my wife is very conservative and would never go for the lifestyle or even exploring it.

My fantasies are usually of a darker nature. A very dominant man completely owning my wife and changing her into a completely different woman, making her relax with other men in a variety of situations, her doing whatever she was told by him. I'd be the humiliated cuckold who would be verbally used by both him and her. Part of the turn on is sexual, but also the pain that I know would come along with the situation in real life, seeing those things actually happen, is also a turn on.

I do, however, deal with a lot of guilt surrounding the fantasies. My wife and I are both religious and so I lot of moral issues surrounding having these fantasies. Infact, this is my first time on any porn site in weeks after having sworn them off. What I've given thought to doing a lot is voice chatting with someone (which I love to do) and being made to cum very fast, then having someone walk me through my guilt, making fun of me and making me wallow in it while he enjoys pictures of my wife that I send him, telling me all the things I do that make me such a poor husband. I do have one permister who is willing to do this but I don't get online much and he is rarely on as well so it hasn't happened.

I have zero desire towards men and do not fantasize about being sissified in any way, just witnessing all the cuckolding situation and being verbally used in the process.

I don't know why I share all this, just feel like I am in a unique situation sometimes and like no one relates. Just wanted to see what people would say. I'll answer questions and welcome discussion.

I always say discuss your fantasises with your wife. Start there and be open without shocking her (namely nothing to extreme for now!). Once you incorporate it into your love life then she may relax and you can go from there. On a similar note, make sure you tell her that cuckolding you is not about you wanting another or stopping loving her.

Good luck and remember with a little patience, time and encouragement nothing is impossible

For starters, being here to express your feelings/fantasies in writing is a start. For most people here, it is just a fantasy. For the lucky few, it is a reality. Many here can give you advice, but ultimately its up to you to realize what will work best for you and your wife.

When it comes down to it, the feeling of guilt is only natural. The feeling of being uneasy, also natural. When it comes down to it, the biggest thing between a couple is "communication". You need to make sure that whatever you tell her, you need to make sure you tell her in a way she will understand completely. Have ready in your mind responses to calm her, and always stay cool. Never get mad at her when it comes to this subject.

Good luck to you. I look forward to reading any updates you may have.

Normal and abnormal are slippery concepts in sexual psychology, but let's give it a try:


Typical of cuckolds specifically and males with submissive fantasies in general. (People whose actual daily life is filled with frustration, offense, betrayal, use and exploitation rarely get off sexually fantasizing about same.)


It is normal to for fetishes to develop early in life and the rule that they generally stick throughout life (that is part of what a fetish is.) Fetish is the eroticization of powerful fears and in the case of cuckolding the fears involved are of being rejected, betrayed, or deceived by partners/potential partners. It also is often bound-upo with a more general fear of "measuring up" as a man (socially as well as sexually.)


Very normal. The combination of anonymity and intimacy the internet allows has linked all kinds of people and material that used to be widely dispersed or obscure. It isn't the net per se that fostered your feelings, it was you exploring this part of yourself with resources you might never have accessed without the net.


Totally normal, despite what many on this board would like to believe. In general, those who don't share a fetish are not that keen to indulge in it as lifestyle, or even try it if it feels scary or risky. Cuckolding is a pretty dangerous and extreme fetish (emotionally, socially) that remains edgy in our culture, and it is terrifying on many levels for most people. (even you, actually, or it wouldn't turn you on.)


Normal to the n-th degree. It is the nature of sexual fantasy.


One of the most common sexual fantasies that exist. Often women fantasize about this. Men fantasize about it too. Sometimes they are the man, sometimes the woman, sometimes the woman is someone they know and are close to. Not at all unusual.


Very common among BDSM fetishists such as cuckolds.


Normal. It is a measure of the charge and depth of the fetish for you. By imagining scenarios as realistically as possible, you are allowing yourself to feel the bright edge of the pain more keenly. It is the same way that a novel or a film that is more "true to life," or "raw" in its mood and details has a different emotional punch than the "wink and nod" of the popcorn action film.


The most normal thing of all. If you felt no guilt at all, the whole thing wouldn't turn you on. The lure of the forbidden, the naughty, the trangressive is part of what gives sexual fantasies their charge. And, as said, cuckolding is going right at some of the core taboos of our culture.


Also totally normal. Most people are religious; even those who aren't have a lot of moral issues around this fetish.

So on the whole, I would say you are pretty normal. To convince yourself further, I recommend the book/blog "A Billion Wicked Thoughts," which analyzes the biggest data set on sexual desires ever complied (internet searches crossed by unique addresses) to get the best picture to-date about what is "normal" for humans and Western culture.

Good luck!
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

I went through the same as you. Religious education, cuckold fantasies, guilt, doubt about my "normality"... with time and the help of the Internet I saw that cuckold fantasies are very, very common. Don't worry and enjoy!!!


WOW!!! very interesting and rich source of information. Thanks for sharing!!!
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com

Wow, thank you everyone for your input. If you take a look at some of my caps I've done you get an idea of some of my fantasies. Is it possible to find someone to explore this with in permister through conversation and light playing. I've been looking but it seems very difficult, as I know I don't bring much to the table for another guy. Just think it would be amazing having a face to face conversation with someone about these things.

Also, what would most of you consider to be going to far when exploring fantasies? I have chatted with guys online, a few local guys who live in my city, shared pics of my wife (nonnudes only), gone on webcam and showed her panties and bras, showed pics of hanging on the walls. As I mentioned in my first post, toying with the idea of meeting up with a guy who has these fantasies. Just wondering what people think of these things.

Guilt is a wasted emotion. You will always regret the things you didn't do more than you will feel guilty about
the things that you did. I was raised Catholic, I got over it.

I guess my real wondering is how much of normal life can I lead and still explore these fantasies. My wife wouldn't be involved and I'm just wondering how deep I go in exploring these. It has only been very recently, after years of chatting on the net that I have started to share real pictures of my wife. Before that I would share pics of friends or women I knew pretending they were my wife/gf, within the last year I have started to share the real thing. Just don't know how far down the rabbit hole I tumble with the limitations I have.

I would be very reluctant, if I were in your position, to share genuine pictures of my wife without her knowledge and consent. It is quite likely that she would (fairly) take it as a *** and betrayal as bad as you having clandestine extramarital sex. (in fact, in some ways it is much, much, worse.)

I know this is an unpopular view on this board, where people clamor incessantly for spousal photos, but it really isn't appropriate. You need to protect her privacy and respect her desire not to be involved. You owe her that as both a friend and a husband.

I don't mean by this that you can't explore the fetish ethically through porn, intenet chat, etc. There are some folks who would regard such activities, or sharing of such sexuality with outsiders at all, as infidelity, and for all I know your wife might be one of them. But I think this would be an unreamisterable position on her part - so long as you have been conscientious about keeping her out of it and protecting her, as much as possible, from the risk of public offense. (Putting photos on the internet is almost the definition of failing at this.)

Remember, being stripped of you dignity, humiliated, undermined and betrayed by someone you love is YOUR fantasy, no HERS! Talk to her about your needs and desires and see what she is willing to do and what she is willing to grant you leave to do. That will give you the limits you are asking about - and the choice of whether you can live within them, and with you wife, or not.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

amiamore,

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad it had a happy ending! I think your example makes the point that the thing fetishists need to do is to screw-up the courage to be honest with their partners. Your wife (or husband) may say no, but if they love you and you share this with them in an appropriately respectful, upfront way, they are not likely to reject or betray you on it. (If they do, they aren't people it is healthy to be with anyway.) Trust and honesty is what makes relationships strong.

Secrets, lies, and furtiveness is what corrodes them. (Well, secrets from each other; shared secrets can often bind you closer.) Anyway, that's been my experience and apparently yours as well.

Thanks again for chiming in here.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.