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What happens to sexologists?

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slemx

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#1
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I have read several opinions of "famous" sexologists about cuckolding, and none recommends it as a "good" sexual practice. As an example, consider this text from "Ten Things Women Wish Men Knew About Sex" ("Sex for Dummies" by Dr. Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer):

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Kinky Sex Isn’t Sexy Sex

I receive many letters from women asking why men always want them to do something kinky. Probably the most frequently asked request is for the husband to watch his wife make love to another woman. Some men just want to watch, while others plan on joining in. Some men don’t care whether the other permister is a man or a woman; they just want to take part in a threesome. Other men want to join a wife-swapping group or visit a sex club. Now I’m not saying women never instigate this type of behavior because they do. But for the most part, men are the ones who have these unusual sexual appetites.

One thing the wives of these men want to know is why, and I can’t give them a good answer. It may be that men have more active imaginations, or maybe they’ve watched too many porno movies. Whatever the reamister, most women want no part of these scenes. They’re quite content with having sex with their man, without anyone else looking on or joining in.

I’m all in favor of fantasies, so I’d never tell you men to stop fantasizing. And if you want to ask your wife or girlfriend about a particular fantasy, go ahead. Just don’t try to pressure her if she says no. Instead, pretend you’re doing whatever turns you on when you’re with her. If you keep pestering her, you’ll just turn her off and, rather than getting kinky sex, you’ll have no sex at all.

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It's clear cuckolding carries risks, but it's also clear that it's wonderful and works well for many couples. So...

Why "famous" sexologists are so traditionalits, being that their main function is to open the mind of the people?

Are they afraid of damaging their reputation speaking the truth about a taboo subject as cuckolding?

Are there reputable sexologists who do cover the issue seriously?

Same questions for scientists. Why they don't research on this topic that is growing in society? Why?

Aghh!
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com
bpop

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#2
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As I see it, your problem is what you're accepting as being experts or famous. There's no reamister in the world to accept Dr. Ruth as being an expert any more than someone else.

One of the reamisters she (and some other people) are "famous" is that they are titillating without being too far outside of the so-called mainstream. That means that she will never have much of anything meaningful to say about areas of sexuality that are more on the fringes of society. She won't have anything to say about (for instance) BDSM or cuckolding or gender play except to say "Don't do them."

Needless to say, this is not helpful. You need to find more appropriate people to pay attention to. A couple of suggestions I have are:

Dr. Carol Queen (whose doctorate is in sexology)

Jay Wiseman (who wrote the book SM101 and co-founded Greenery Press)

If you want to know more about them, you can look them up in Wikipedia, which also lists some of the things they've written.

xoxoxo

Christine (a sissy m)
slemx

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#3
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Very interesting references, Christine. It's good to know there are sexologists less closed mind. I'll keep an eye on their works.

Thank you very much!
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com
MrsBlackBlowupDoll

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#4
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You might also look at Dan Savage, the most famous U.S. sex expert these days. He has been pretty fair minded about cuckolding.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.
slemx

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#5
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I didn't know about Dan Savage, MrsBlackBlowupDoll, thanks for the tip.

Now I've read some of his articles about cuckolding. I don't agree all his views, but is very refreshing to read someone famous who writes about sex rationaly and without taboos.

The bad: (according with the D.S. Wikipedia biography) he has no academic training in human sexuality. The good: it's no coincidence that he is one of the most widely read columnist about sex. He isn't a scientist, but his arguments are grounded excellently. In this age of sexual obscurantism, is great that there are people like Dan Savage.
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com
MrsBlackBlowupDoll

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#6
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slemx:
he has no academic training in human sexuality

I have great respect for higher education, but it seems to me this is not a field where academic training is necessary or where the academic training available is particularly sophisticated or value-added at this point.

I expect that will may change with time, just as fields like archeology, chemistry, or economics eventually grew too thoroughly developed for amateurs to make the impact they did in the early years of each discipline. I don't think we are that point with sexology yet. There is still a lot of superstition, pseudoscience, quackery, and unexamined moral assumptions pervading the field. As it gets more rigorous, things will change. Maybe you and I will live to see it.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.
smartissexy

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#7
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MrsBlackBlowupDoll

Very well-said in that last comment.
slemx

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Posts: 470
#8
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Also, I agree 100% with MrsBlackBlowupDoll. The downside is that there are people who do value the opinion of someone based on their academic preparation. This is important when you want to sell an idea (cuckolding, by example) to someone (your wife, for example ).

I've not had much free time lately, but I'll try to obtain the opinion of several sexologists about cuckolding and bring it here. If anyone wants, the help in this project is welcome.


It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com
slemx

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Posts: 470
#9 · Edited by: slemx
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Ok, here an advice about cuckolding, from Hanne Blank ( The hyperlink is visible to registered members only! ):

"Look around some. Learn a lot. Play safe, and have fun. Respect yourself, respect your wife, respect your relationship, and respect your brain and your sanity. Do whatever is safe, sane, consensual, and turns you on, but don't do it in ignorance, or assuming that reality is going to be exactly like your fantasies. You may have fantasies of flying an airplane, but you'd be a fool to just hop in the cockpit without learning something about it first, right? Right. Enough said." ( The hyperlink is visible to registered members only! )
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com
slemx

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Posts: 470
#10
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Here the response from Dan Savage to a grieving wife whose husband wants to be cuckolded, but she suffers with the idea ( The hyperlink is visible to registered members only! ).

"Cuckolding isn't oral, it isn't light bondage, it isn't the husband wanting to wear panties. Like brownie or hardcore sadism, cuckolding is "a fetish too far," meaning it's not a fetish your husband has a right to expect that you'll indulge. The emotional and physical risks are too high. You gotta wanna or it's off the table.

So, WWW, you have a right to say, "You have to drop this. You can fantasize about it whenever you like, but this isn't something I'm ever going to be able to do for you." Then, for the sake of your marriage, he has to promise not to bring it up. You, for your part, have to promise not to obsess about what might be going through his mind when you two do have sex."


I agree the wife have right to say no. However, before taking such a radical decision, I would suggest her the same as Hanne Blank: "learn a lot" (then decide).
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com
slemx

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Posts: 470
#11 
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Here's another interesting opinion about Cuckolding, from Dr. Debby Herbenick ("author of Sex Made Easy and Great In Bed, is the Co-Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion in the School of Public Health-Bloomington at Indiana University (IU) where she is a Research Scientist").

"Keep in mind that fantasies can stay fantasies. Just because you like to think about something doesn't mean you want to go out and do it. And if you do want to enact it, it goes without saying (I hope) that your partner doesn't have to sign up for it. But if you're both interested and willing? The world is your oyster."

Well, we progress...

Full paper: The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!
It's obvious that English is not my native language. Sorry for any inconvenience. My blog (spanish): http://keratafilia.blogspot.com
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