Husband getting blacked.

I'm not sure if this is were I should be asking but still I need to understand myself. I am not an active cuckold even thou I will to be. I had ask my wife about having sex with other men and she sad "Never", ( she is all church and so is her family). She is very close to her family and tell them almost every thing so I did not want any one to know or to get that in my face.I wrote all this so that you can understand were I coming from . I have two youngren in my 21yrs marriage.
My problem is that I love black cock and I am in a country with 45% are blacks. Maybe I should start at the beginning . When I was 19yrs old ( for the first time I was able to go out late at night) I met an older black man. I never had sex before with anyone and I was now courting my one and only girlfriend who became my wife 6yrs later. Anyway this older 40s black man started to show interests in me at this party. He was tall well tone and good looking and in every way a fine gentleman . I was a slim, fear ,white looking latino. After a few takes he whipped that I looked nice in my tight jeans and I started to blush.He ask if I will like to go some were more privet and I looked into his eyes and said yes. I think he knew I was saying yes to more than just that.We ended up at his place. There I knew I was been seduce , we dance to calypso music where he was graining on my ass and I was felling his hard-on on my back. After a few mins we were in his bed . Needless to say I was the girl in his bed.I had lots of first , kissing a man, sucking his big black cock ,been suck , rim and fuck. I lost my ass-pussy cherry to this big black man. At first entering me was not easy ,nor was it for me to take him but he took his time to get me well dietated . He did in the end. My anal rings did stretch as he plow deeper into me. I felt his hot black thick cock every inch in me. I felt some pain but he sad that all girls like me needed to go through this and that after that I'll be bagging him to fuck me, he was right. Before long I had my legs lock on his back as he was fucking his new conquest . The more he fuck me the more I wanted him to fuck me.I looked at the point where his strong black cock was entering pink-rose butt and I started to cum ,he also felt my pulsing tight ass-pussy and began to slam his cock faster and faster. I felt his cock head get larger stretching me even more, then with a loud shout I felt hot cum shoot deep into my belly. He sucked my tong as he pump all he had in me. I knew that this is what seem to be what I should be, a slut for black men.
After that night I saw my girlfriend and I also had strong sexual felling for her too. I felt very bad for what I had done so I tried to forget those felling for almost 20yrs. I was home one day when I decided to fuck around since the wife did not .I saw an add about a Raster couple looking for a couple to swing with, I knew a woman that I was flirting around with, ask her if she wanted to hook up . After the normal information and contact, we hook -up . After the swap and I had finish had sex with his wife, I saw him fucking my friend with her back to him my cock started to get hard again. His wife sad that she could see that I like what he was doing to my friend, then she took some lube and started to to lube my ass, finger fucking me , my cock was not as big as it use to be but I had precum leaking out of it. She had me well lube and toll her husband that he had another pussy to fuck. My friend who had now just finish cumming smiled at me and sad "this I want to see."He place me on some pillows ,put my legs on his shoulders and began my reintroduction to big black cock. His wife toll me after that I fuck her fuck her nice and hard but she knew some how that I could take a cock.
I now fined myself wanting black cock as much as I want pussy. I guess the question is what should I do or what I'm I?

You should accept your decision with grace and humility, but not guilt. You are where many would love to be, regardless of race, that is, a fully functional, loving husband who just happens to be totally bisexual and loves the way his wife and a man makes you feel.

The fact that it is a black man perhaps only adds to your intrigue, or perhaps allows you to full express your feminine side. Many times guys are stuck in playing the macho, masculine role that they forget the other female side of us all, that which makes them human. Not that everyone goes all the way and fully exploits their femininity sexuality (rather, others do it through housework, gift-giving, etc.); regardless, you chose to express it by becoming a girl to a black man (a real man in your feminine ideal) and enjoying the pleasure of allowing your womanhood to escape the confines of society and fulfill your re-awakening.

It is too bad your wife does not choose to join you, but you do only live once and should enjoy yourself. That said, you owe it to your wife to ensure your man-mates are totally clean, have and disease free, and to use protection in order to protect her (and you).

In the end, only you can choose the direction for your life, and for the expression of your internal needs, even if those needs are beyond the love of your wife. For those needs are internal to you and provide the fulfillment your soul requires. Just ensure you understand yourself in this role, so that you are free from guilt, and ensure you provide security for your wife through ensuring you practice safe sex, and that you not shortchange other facets of your husband-wife commitment to pursue additional sex partners, if those trysts lead to diminishing marriage commitment. If it does, you may have to re-evaluate your positions on various paths (should you stay married; or go totally gay; or divorce and find a true female soul mate who would share your bi-sexual freedom.

In any case, I wish you well.

Thanks for understanding and the advice!. I have decided that my fem side has needs too,I'm getting more in touch with my fem-self . I have had a couple of flings and have bough some panties and garter belt for my lovers to see me in. This also made me feel more fem and have been treated as such. Giving myself to black-men is now so natural, having them fill me with their strong black cocks and feeling their pulsing cock as cum fill the deepest reaches of my body.I have found peace in my mine and pleasure in my body.